I have been put threw so much, I was a happy child I have seen the videos from when i was a todler, i remember it well. i used to explore the house no worries but then school came into my life. I did not fit in i couldent work out why i was not excepted. i used to spend my primary school lunch breaks sitting in a tree and watching everyone els playing. I cannot get a guirl friend, i look at myself and i see a short fat kid. i am failing school and i know i am not going to amount to anything. i have tried to kill myself before and failed. but recently i just started being me, ignoreing what people said. the school ball came up on friday so i got some nice clothes i think im looking good. was happy. today i saw the picture and im standing alone looking like a retard. fuck this world. im useless i am not going to amount to anything why am i even here. i think if i can go back in time i would stop me from being born. i want to kill myself a way that i cannot fail. i plan on jumping of a building, i think about how it would be. last night i dreamed about doing it and i could feel the wind in my face and the ground getting closer and butterflies in my tummy then when i hit the ground i wake up feeling full of energy. If some one came towards me with a gun i would just stand there and let them kill me i do not care. the otherday on my way to school i almost got hit by a car and just did not care. did not look, did not frown, was not scared just carried on walking across. every night i hope i do not wake up.