I want to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by oldgregg, May 7, 2007.

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  1. oldgregg

    oldgregg Member

    I have been put threw so much, I was a happy child I have seen the videos from when i was a todler, i remember it well. i used to explore the house no worries but then school came into my life. I did not fit in i couldent work out why i was not excepted. i used to spend my primary school lunch breaks sitting in a tree and watching everyone els playing. I cannot get a guirl friend, i look at myself and i see a short fat kid. i am failing school and i know i am not going to amount to anything. i have tried to kill myself before and failed. but recently i just started being me, ignoreing what people said. the school ball came up on friday so i got some nice clothes i think im looking good. was happy. today i saw the picture and im standing alone looking like a retard. fuck this world. im useless i am not going to amount to anything why am i even here. i think if i can go back in time i would stop me from being born. i want to kill myself a way that i cannot fail. i plan on jumping of a building, i think about how it would be. last night i dreamed about doing it and i could feel the wind in my face and the ground getting closer and butterflies in my tummy then when i hit the ground i wake up feeling full of energy. If some one came towards me with a gun i would just stand there and let them kill me i do not care. the otherday on my way to school i almost got hit by a car and just did not care. did not look, did not frown, was not scared just carried on walking across. every night i hope i do not wake up.
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I know this is cold comfort and you won't believe me..but school doesn't last forever. I know its crap now and very hard to be the odd one out..but school will finish..you will leave and go to college or work and you will be an adult; no longer at the mercy of kids (who lets be honest can be so damn cruel).
    You will meet a nice girl and settle down, have a life worth living..all you have to do is stick it out until you're older. :hug:
     
  3. oldgregg

    oldgregg Member

    but its not just school. i want to live in a nice house with a beutifull view and a beutifull family and have a good income. But i know that wont happen. i can see myself living alone in a small flat, the guy everyone laughs at when his back is turned.
     
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Have lived in a small flat, have lived in a beautiful house...guess what, you can be happy or miserable in both, it all depends on you!!! Decide who you want to be..what you want and go all out for it. Let those who dare, laugh...but have the last laugh by being a person you like and having the life that suits you :hug:
     
  5. oldgregg

    oldgregg Member

    Thanx terry, i feel a little better.
    im going to get some sleep now and revise for school >:l
     
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    good man :biggrin:
     
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