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I Want To Die...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by White Dove, Jul 18, 2007.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    I want to die... I really and honestly want to die and i dont care if anyone believes that statement or not... I am so sick of this shit.. I am so sick of this stupid life.. I am so sick of so called friends that pretend to care for me or pretend to love me.. What a bunch of bull....

    I am so sick of people telling me that i like to make others worry.. THAT IS SO FAR FREAKING OFF FROM THE TRUTH.. I HAVE SAID MANY , MANY TIMES ONLINE HERE THAT I WANT NO ONE TO HURT OR WORRY ABOUT ME... well i just guess that my words are nothing...

    I am seen as this stupid crazy lady that wants to take her life , well fine go on and think that way.... and you want to know the truth about it..? yes i want to take my life and i WILL ....

  2. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    WD,Please noooo don't do anything because I'd miss you far too much if you go I care about you like anything don't go please just don't stay with us.:sad::eek:hmy::sad:
  3. livingdeath

    livingdeath Active Member

    White Dove, just letting you know I am thinking of you.
  4. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    I'm sick of everything as well. You are certainly not stupid or crazy for wanting to end the pain in your life. Anyone who thinks you are are the ones who are most likely stupid.
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    No one here wants you to die. If you went then it would make alot of people very sad. The pain and thoughts of wanting to die will disappear soon.
  6. thething912

    thething912 Well-Known Member

    Don't die we can talk about it.

    I care about you.
  7. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    just dont stay with us....

    is that a hint that you want me to leave this place... then at the first part of this message you say you would miss me??? i am a little confussed or am i reading this wrong??

    as for leaving , well i will die within a year anyhow...

    and the longer i stay , the more it will hurt when i do die... i have a doc appointment tomorrow and see what he says about the treatments but either way it would only prolong my life for a few more months so basically what is the point in even trying???
  8. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    ohhh , the pain and thoughts of wanting to die will not dessappear cause i have cancer and i am dying anyways , so not thinking about it is totally out of the question , cause i do think about it every single day i awake...
  9. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    well saying dont die will never happen cause i am dying anyhow..

    my choice is either stay here and suffer a physical pain more or do something that will end my pain and emotional pain at the same time...
  10. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I certainly don't blame you for wanting the pain to end White Dove. Can you get any pain meds to help you manage the pain? As my friend was dying of osteogenic sarcoma, the pain was so intense for her. They set her up with a morphine pump where she could control the amount of the drug according to her pain level. It made it much more tolerable for her. No one wants to see you suffering, but they also do not want to see you die by your own hand. I wish I could offer you many words of assurance, but I know they would be untrue if I said things involving the cancer would get better. I do believe it is possible for you and your family to mend fences at least a little. And perhaps if you once again wrote the minister and his wife, that relationship could maybe at least be to where you are once again on speaking terms. I wish for your pain to go away. You are in my thoughts and prayers. :hug:
  11. ybt

    ybt Guest

  12. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    What do you need from us?
    What can we do to help you?

    The fact that you are posting signals, to me at least, that you need something, I am just not clear on what that is.

    Despite the pain you are in, you are still searching for something.

    Please let us know what you need, and how we can help you.

    Your pain is real and wrenching and if you just need to express how bad it is, then please feel free, we all understand. We might not be in the same boat as you, but we all know pain here and the wish to make the pain stop.
  13. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    thank you for those nice and kind words...

    true i want the pain to end and true i do not really want to take my life and that is part of why i came here.. it is the part of taking my life to end the pain that bothers me so much... i will be seeing my doc tomorrow about pain meds more stronger ones and about the so called treatments but it is not going to do any good just prolong this stupid life of mine with more emotional pain... i dont want that... i want a good peaceful life that i know i am never going to get no matter how much i try or want it...

    i seem to be bonding with my brother a little more each day but as for the hope of seeing or at least speaking with the minister and his wife , i have decided to just give up on it... it will never happen anyway and i cant send a letter when i know not where they are at... it probably would be for the best to just forget about this whole thing and just die with a broken heart and forget about trying to make things right cause chances are with me and my stupid life i have lived i will not make it into heaven anyway... i ve just done way too much and i am going to stop trying...

    i dont deserve it.. i just dont deserve anything.. And i sure as heck do not deserve heavenly home...

    please dont be upset with my posting... these are just true words of my heart but i was told that i am just making others worry about it and that it is making others hurt.. i cant keep making others hurt and i diffently dont want to make or put hurt upon anyone else... i guess it is best to just forget about everything , forget about trying and just go into my own little corner and give up and die .. at least then i would not be around others that would be hurt by me...

    i cant hurt anyone anymore and it breaks my heart.. my heart is already bleeding because i have so many hurts upon it that i just can not take or put anymore hurt upon anyone else...

    im sorry.. im so sorry for all the hurt that i have caused here.. for all those that have worried about me... i am just useless and cant seem to help anyone... was even told by someone i dearly love here that i am just too weird , so i need to just stop it all... i know i am weird.. i know i am not a good person and i have tried.. i honestly have tried.. please forgive me... forgive me everyone for hurt i caused upon you... i will cause no more hurt in a few days...

    take care ,

    love you all
  14. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    We may worry about you White Dove, just as we worry about others on this forum. You are not causing us pain. I am glad to hear you are beginning to make amends with your brother. As for your minister, it is his loss. Take solace in the fact that you did the best you could to set things right and he chose not to accept. Not a very Christian attitude as far as I am concerned. You are not a worthless person. You are deserving of our care and support and any that is given to you elsewhere. I hope the new medicine regime helps with the pain. I know you say you have emotional pain as well. i know that when I am in physical pain, my emotional pain also increases. Maybe with a decrease in physical pain, the empotional will lessen enough for you to be able to sort things out and deal with them. There is always hope. :hug:
  15. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    No no I made a silly typo and I didn't even realise it,I meant to say just don't go and stay with us I'm so sorry i would never say for you to leave no way possible.
  16. thething912

    thething912 Well-Known Member

    I wanted to die once but then I came here.

    I think you should see a psychologist sometimes sterp or pandas can make you depressed you might have something like.
  17. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    sterp or pandas , what???

    i know i am a dumb blond here but what in the world do you mean by that? ( sorry for being so dumb here )

    A psychologist ? They cost money that i do not have, so that is out of the question to go see one and besides even a psychologist can not cure my cancer..
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