I'm hopeless. I can't find any solutions to my problem. I cant see a way out. I've let everyone that i love down. I can't cope or adapt to work environments and I have changed too many jobs and I can't cope with my current job. I'm too depressed to carry on with my job and I'm too depressed to look for another job and I am not confident to be able to cope in another job, knowing myself, I wont be able last long in any job and my horrific employment record speaks for itself. I thought of coming out to do something of my own but I can't find anything I am able to do due to my lack of skill and also money. Frequently changing more than 10 jobs in different industries in my 12 years of working experience has destroyed me. I did not change jobs because I wanted to but I can't cope after a while working in each company and will feel overwhelmed & depressed so I have to resign. Then being jobless, I fall even deeper into depression. I dont just have suicidal thoughts. I am suicidal. I am only hanging on because of my parents. they did not do anything wrong and are innocent and they tried so hard to help me. My parents do not deserve all but i cannot stand my life. My dad is in his late 60s and my mum is also in her 60s. How could I let them live with my suicide? It will haunt them forever for the rest of their lives but how? I want to end my life. I see no point in living when i can't even keep a job and earn money to survive. I can't even earn a living and I don't want to live off my parents. i'm already 35 years old and I keep facing problems at work and keep getting overwhelmed and panic. Lately, I have visions of hanging myself and feel loke doing it. but I wont do it in my house cos it would haunt my parents. But even if I do it in a hotel room, my parents will be haunted for the rest of theirl lives. I thought of leaping of a building but with me splatterred all over the pavement, how could i let my parents face this? I love them very much but I want to die. Caught in between ending my misery and my parents. I don't even feel like living or doing anything to cure myself. They ask me to exercise, take a break, go for a holiday etc. But my problem can't just disappear because it's there and it keeps running on my mind. yesterday night i went for a wedding dinner. While people at my table was enjoying themselves , I put up a smily face and chatted with them but al the time in my mind was I feel like hanging myself. This morning I woke up, I din even want to get out of bed. I just wanted to die. I wonder how long can I last. I need to get my will done just incase I suddenly go ahead with my suicide. But how will my parents ever get over me? If I die, their lives will also be destroyed but I really want to die. I've seen a psychiatrist and he has given me medication but what use is the medication when it can't solve my problem? I've had many work triggered major depressions where i was suicidal in the past and this time its even worse as I really really really see no way out. I dont like working. I feel like i'm in prison. How i wish I can be self-employed and not subject myself to the mercy of others but I can't figure out what to do. I've asked many of my friends but no-one can come out with soemthing I can do myself. i've searched the internet about possible business startups but non seemed viable. With my present condition, Im not even stable and can't even think properly. As I've gone through several jobless depressions, i know that my depression doesnt disappear when i resign and I would just want to lie in bed and die. But I can't cope with my current job anymore. I get anxiety attacks and is always on the verge of a nervous breakdown and all that is in my mind is to quit. I really really really cannot stand my job and office enviroment. Crazy deadlines, overloaded with work and totally overwhelmed.