I cant take it anymore. I thought things were going good but it just seems like everyone hates me. I dont know who read my last message about being clean for 2 months, well that all went to shit I am no longer clean. I started cutting again and I'm so close to just killing myself, or at least attempting again.
You know what its like to try and try and never suceed? Well thats whats going on for me now. I hate my fucking life. I try so hard to be nice to people and be all happy and shit... but no it doesnt work for me. I try to fit in but its not working at all. For example, I know a few girls and I try to fit in with them but when Im around its like Im invisible... I go out for a smoke with them and they fucking IGNORE ME!! It seems like I just dont click with people. Not to mention I've turned all my family against myself... I try to get along with them but I mess it up so easily. I say one wrong thing and when I call my sister wont talk to me for a while. My dad is sick and I have a feeling hes going to die soon, HES ALL I HAVE IN THE FUCKING WORLD.
I dont Know what to do, I have so many fucking things going on right now, I just cant deal with it anymore, I feel so small and alone... cutting and drugs take the pain away but the voices still come and everyone still hates me. WTF CAN I DO? I see a solution, DEATH... I just can't shake the pain inside me. I try to act like its all okay but its becoming harder and harder for me to do... I just can't do it anymore. I dont know why things cant just stay good... its stupid. I try to be happy and push the pain aside but whats the point if it just stays. I thought things were going to be okay but they werent.
Whatever, I guess I will have to decide what to do now, but honestly death is looking sooo sweet to me right now. I want the pain to go away... JUST TO GO AWAY :sad:
You know what its like to try and try and never suceed? Well thats whats going on for me now. I hate my fucking life. I try so hard to be nice to people and be all happy and shit... but no it doesnt work for me. I try to fit in but its not working at all. For example, I know a few girls and I try to fit in with them but when Im around its like Im invisible... I go out for a smoke with them and they fucking IGNORE ME!! It seems like I just dont click with people. Not to mention I've turned all my family against myself... I try to get along with them but I mess it up so easily. I say one wrong thing and when I call my sister wont talk to me for a while. My dad is sick and I have a feeling hes going to die soon, HES ALL I HAVE IN THE FUCKING WORLD.
I dont Know what to do, I have so many fucking things going on right now, I just cant deal with it anymore, I feel so small and alone... cutting and drugs take the pain away but the voices still come and everyone still hates me. WTF CAN I DO? I see a solution, DEATH... I just can't shake the pain inside me. I try to act like its all okay but its becoming harder and harder for me to do... I just can't do it anymore. I dont know why things cant just stay good... its stupid. I try to be happy and push the pain aside but whats the point if it just stays. I thought things were going to be okay but they werent.
Whatever, I guess I will have to decide what to do now, but honestly death is looking sooo sweet to me right now. I want the pain to go away... JUST TO GO AWAY :sad: