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I want to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by maxcor211, Feb 18, 2008.

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  1. maxcor211

    maxcor211 Member

    I am so miserable. I have had depression/suicidal thoughts/social anxiety for about 11 years now. Sometimes I am happy, but when I am depressed I am so down. I usually am this way when I am around other people. I feel so inferior to everyone. It seems like everyone has such an easy time talking to others.

    If someone ignores me I get so down on myself and want to cry. I also have a brother that I feel inferior to. Everyone talks so much about what a great guy he is and how wonderful he is. He has always been smarter and easier with others than I am. I don't feel like I can talk to him about it because I feel like he might judge me and he wouldn't understand anyway. I have to be the fat, ugly, stupid one of the family. The one brother I was confortable around died almost 6 years ago.

    I am on Abilify, Xanax, and Cymbalta. I have been seeing a counselor for about 3 years and a psychiatrist for about 2 years. I have told them how I feel. My councelor suggested me going into a hospital for a while. My psychiatrist thinks that if I went to my best friends house for a while I would feel better. Her husband and I would drive each other crazy.

    I would like to commit suicide, but I can't decide how to do it. I want the pain to stop. I would leave behind my wonderful mom and that tears me up inside. I also have a neice and nephews that I worry about leaving, but sometimes they aren't enough for me to stay alive for. Thanks for reading.
  2. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member

    Hon, I'm sorry. It's tough comparing oneself with other family members, and we shouldn't do it. They probably compare themselves to you and feel they fall short, too.

    It sounds like the hospital or your best friend's house would be good for you. Your friend's husband is disagreeable, though? Could you stay there but maybe avoid him?

    I hope things are looking up soon. I'll pray for you tonight.
  3. maxcor211

    maxcor211 Member

    Thanks for your prayers. Things have been looking up. I have these problems a lot when I have been around a lot of people. I had been at a livestock show earlier that day. It's my anxiety.
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