i want to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by downnout, Mar 3, 2008.

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  1. downnout

    downnout Well-Known Member

    My life is way off track, I'm way off track, everyone's worried about me and no one can do anything, I keep fucking up even when I really try... 23 and I already know no one's going to marry me. Guys would rarely date me before, but now they REALLY won't. I'm so up to my ears in therapy I've forgotten how to function in reality. I'm tired of not being able to focus, or read, or whatever. All of my walls are gone -- just gone -- and the world has proven itself to be such a fucked up place. And I am such a fuck up. I don't see why I shouldn't have the right to just end it. It seriously might be better for everyone, all around. All I seem to do these days is drain my parents, my friends, and piss off everyone else. I used to be deeply religious/spiritual but now I just don't know. Everyone else is going on with their lives and I'm having serious existential crises... People are telling me to get out of Psychiatry. People are telling me to trust the Psychiatrists. Different psychiatrists are telling me different things and throwing different meds at me... Men are telling me I'm a whiny, deluded bitch. The last therapy group told me to move out of my mother's house ASAP even if it means taking out my stocks and savings because apparently she's 'emotionally abusing' me. I'm too weak to figure any of this out any more. It's hopeless and I'm tired and there is no one who can fix this mess. The best I can hope for in the future is some menial job where I don't have too much contact with people because I always, always, always say the wrong thing. Live alone. Die alone. True, help out my parents financially a bit, but really that would be the only point. After they go... And I just don't see why I shouldn't have the right to end it. I'm a mess. Why should I be forced to stay here and be a mess? Make people worried, angry, sad, etc? I already tried ODing twice but ended up calling 911 both times. I feel bad about that. It would be better if I just did it, or didn't try again. I can't flake out again.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 3, 2008
  2. Dreamer uk

    Dreamer uk Well-Known Member

    Hi, welcome to the site.

    Sorry I don't know what to say really.

    I know it is hard, I feel much the same way


    I hope things get better for you soon
  3. downnout

    downnout Well-Known Member

    Thanks for responding to my rant. I think this site has already helped me "get a grip"... at least for tonight anyway. Nice to know I'm not alone.
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