I want to die.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by iKarma, Mar 31, 2009.

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  1. iKarma

    iKarma Well-Known Member

    Hello, let me begin with some back story.

    In Grade 7-8 I was bullied very badly. To the point that I attempted suicide 3 times, will not disclose the method. I was admited to a hospital for roughly 1 month. From that point on I have been feeling worse, everyday I live is the worse day of my life (To paraphrase from Office Space).

    However, that is not the worst part. I believe there is something else wrong with me. Over these years I have felt that I have been battling with a seperate person, whom I shall call David. David is the opposite of me. He thrives on violence, pain, etc. At times I have running dialogues with this 'person', and often self medicate by self harm, or viewing pictures/videos of violence.

    It has now gotten to the point that I can't deal with my life, or this on going battle. I want to die. I don't see a point to living anymore. I fear that I will lose this battle and turn into something I don't want to be. I don't know where to turn, I have seen Doctors and counsellers and have been prescribed Anti-deprassants. But it doesn't help.

    I believe I have reached the end. I admit I don't truly open up to said Doctors, etc. Because the last time I did I ended up in the Hospital.
     
  2. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    are you saying you have a seperate personality? are you religious by any chance?
     
  3. iKarma

    iKarma Well-Known Member

    Nope, atheist. I am not sure what it is, all I know is that it needs to be gone...
     
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