I want to die

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by purpleinthemorning, Jul 31, 2009.

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  1. purpleinthemorning

    purpleinthemorning New Member

    I feel so bad. I'm totally stupid and I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to end it so I don't have to hurt anymore.
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi! I am glad you posted so we call all help and support you.
    This place saved my life twice recently so I hope you find what you need too.

    What is going on that has you so sad? Can you tell us a bit so we know what you're up against?

    Hugs and welcome, B
  3. purpleinthemorning

    purpleinthemorning New Member

    It just seems like there is no point to anything I do. I am in college. I go to class everyday, sit around bored listen to stupid people complain about their roommates. I get no sense of accomplishment from what I do, and I degree seems lightyears away. I have an A in every class. It's too easy to be stimulating. I can't stand the environment. But if I drop out, then what? I have no marketable skills. I'll get some dumb minnimum wage job so I can spend 600$ a month on some crappy apartment, or maybe less if I want to live in the ghetto. I'll work all the time and be just as unhappy. I can't think of a lifestyle that would make me happy, even if I were to win the lottery or something. I figure suffering like this for the rest of my life is pretty much inevitable. I don't want to spen the next sixty years crying on the inside and smiling at people, telling them I'm fine. I can't do it. I am over life.
  4. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Well I for sure stay in school as you're already invested in it and for all the reasons you implied/stated in your post.

    Now regarding your depression are you seeing anyone? I good psychologist is often needed through rough spots for various reasons, mainly I believe to give you "tools" to deal with your life. Do you have one? Most colleges in US have this service at student health so it does not cost.

    Can you take an elective that you might find more stimulating? Or what about tutoring someone?

    Hugs B
  5. purpleinthemorning

    purpleinthemorning New Member

    I don't really like people. I never have. So I don't want to tutor anyone, no. And I can't really take any electives. It is a really career centered college, so I basically only take classes that are within my major.

    I keep losing and forgetting things lately. I feel so stupid and ashamed. Everyone rolls their eyes when I tell them I've lost something else.

    There is a wellness center but you only get even sessions in six months. And mostly they advertise about "overcoming test anxiety" and "college stress." They wouldn't know how to handle me. I can't tell my parents how I feel. they wouldn't understand at all. They would be so dissapointed in me. I don't want to have to deal with that.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Can you just go to your General doctor and tell him how you are feeling He or she can prescribe you something for your depression. Lack of mood agitated with people non interest in life sounds like depression to me but you need to see a doctor to get right diagnosis and start getting yourself help and back into the living again. Glad your here let us know how you are doing but please get help for your depression.
  7. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    :hug: xx
  8. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member

    You have just spelled out all the reasons you should and have to be strong and follow through with college!Its all there waiting for you..if you can just hold on..focus on your grades..what you WANT to be someday..and how much you will regret it if you drop out or give up now.Your life will not be defined by what you do for a living because you can do whatever you want in your free time..but it sure helps to have a marketable skill like you say.Don't give up.These are words I wish some one had said to me when I was your age and in college..and I dropped out.Guess what? You guessed it.
  9. island

    island New Member

    I felt exactly the same way,until about 6 months ago when I started going to a psychiatrist.Don't get me wrong,I'm not any better now that I have a therapist.But my problems kind of changed direction.Believe me,I understand you so well,I felt exaclty the same things.In these 6 months I gradually discovered the REAL reasons for my unhappiness.I've never liked people so much either,I was so upset and bored at school,I thought of humanity as a stupid and shamefully retarded mass of primitive animals who think that they are oh-so-progressed with their stupid spaceships and all..I still think so actually.But the real problem lies inside us.I started thinking about what I want to be as a person,not what my job will be in the future or things like that,but who I really want to be.I realised that I don't want to be a useless brainless human robot,who lives according to what society has already planned for me(go to school,get a job,marry someone decent,have kids,go to work,come home,go to work,come home,go to work...).I also realised that I have given up everything that interested me in the past.I used to write,for example,or take photos and print them.I picked up on photography again.I found out that I never really did anything to be happy,and expected to be made happy by a particular person.I now know that only I can make me happy.I still don't know how exactly,but at least now I'm trying to make an individual of myself,I'm trying to be myself and understand myself,and like myself.I felt I had nothing to like,so I started to build myself as someone I'd like.Another cause of my unhappiness I found out was because I couldn't find sensitive people like myself.The only thing people worry about-it seems-is to have fun,but no real connection is between them.They don't think.I still haven't found a solution to that.
    So,I still feel left out and bored mostly,I feel I don't want to be in this place anymore,but at least I dont feel so irritated about people anymore.I used to go out with friends,just because its the normal thing to do,but I stopped doing it and even though I may seem alone,I am much better now.My therapist says that I do everything I do just because I feel I have to,like it's the normal thing to do,but these can never make one happy.SO I guess it all ends up in our heads...
    P.S. too confused of a reply this is,I know..but if you ever need an ear,I'll be around and be glad to talk.
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