I want to die

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Scully, Feb 1, 2010.

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  1. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    New Post | My Blog

    I'm borderline. It's a personality disorder touching emotions that is very hard to cure, if not impossible. Lately I'm in a period of hard generalized anxiety disorder, and depression. I'm out of my therapist appointment and I feel like shit. Tomorrow I see my psychiatrist. My therapist told me he's gonna try to get me help with a cognitive therapist. But I dunno anymore. It's like nothing works. And I'm supposed to find a job. All that I loved looks without inerest.



    But the worst is to live with someone who doesn't love me. He still wear my ring, and necklace, kisses me good night , but no hugs, no sex. Not that I miss sex actually, I'm so exhausted anyway.



    I want to leave him a message and telling him I won't do it at home, that's all; take my meds, buy alcohol, and kill myself.
     
  2. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    Death
     
  3. mikemass84

    mikemass84 Member

    I know the feeling, I am bi-polar... Moments of unequal happiness get overshadowed and over thrown by times of terrible dispair... I hope you maintain, but can understand if you are unable. People always look at suicide like its the worst thing one could ever do to themselves, but I often find myself thinkin forcing yourself to deal with thru the pain is just as bad... I hope you find your way out, I know you will.
     
  4. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    At last someone without hypocrisy, thank you.
     
  5. mikemass84

    mikemass84 Member

    Your welcome, and good luck...
     
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you feel so down.....I hope you get some help from your psychiatrist...
    I had cognitive behaviour therapy and it does work if you use it.....I hope you will give it a try....what have you got to lose?...
    please stay with us and keep talking
     
  7. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    Hi, Dana- I also have major depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I have periods with my GAD that are torture too. What I have noticed is when my depression worsens my anxiety becomes unbearable at the exact same time. Probably a seretonin deficit in our minds.

    From what I understand of borderline personality disorder (for many reasons I suspect my brother has it too) is the cognitive behavioral therapy would be a blessing for your suffering right now- the BPD and especially the depression and suicidal feelings. I hope you get settled with this type of therapy soon. Can you just feel some bit of hope knowing there is very certain relief in the cognitive behavioral therapy. :arms: This is of course only my opinion but my opinion from my own experience.

    I am in a very long term relationship without physical intimacy. We kiss and hug and that is enough for me. I really don't know what to say about your relationship. I'm so tired and disoriented from insomnia I'm afraid my judgment is off and I'll say something that may hurt you because you are suffering so much at this time.

    Please don't act on any urges to harm yourself. Try to look with hope at feeling MUCH better and with the issues in your life that are troubling you much better addressed- even resolved. :arms:
     
  8. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    Just, thank you.

    I'm holding really hard. It's so hard.
     
  9. mikemass84

    mikemass84 Member

    Holding me you want to try, you want to live... I was looking for your responces last night and when I didn't see anything I was worried, I glad your still trying, I am happy you are still here
     
  10. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    Thank you.
    Sorry I bothered you.

    I'm not well but holding.
     
  11. mikemass84

    mikemass84 Member

    Bothered?... Not at all, you remind me I am not alone. I find comfort remembering others are fighting, I get strength
     
  12. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    Then it's fine :) :hug:
     
  13. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    HI Dana..how are you doing?...
    wondering if you've seen the psych yet??..((HUGS))
     
  14. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    Yes, she decreased a med, and we will change the antidepressant. We'll see. She talked to me about pyramidal side effects (several meds). I'm a little better :)

    Thank you for asking, I hope you're doing good.
     
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