I want to die....

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Gingie, Jan 9, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Gingie

    Gingie Active Member

    I'm losing it right now. I recently survived an overdose in october. I barely survived it. After I got out of the hospital I got kicked out of college until I'm "ok to come back." So, I had to go to an intensive outpatient program. I was supposed to finish up by now and get back to school this month for the new semester. Then I got fucking raped. Now that's not going to happen.

    I feel completely worthless. My life is being ruined, it's basically over. I wish I died on that overdose. I wish I did. I want to kill myself. I want too. I just want this all to end. I want the pain to end, the flashbacks to end, this worthless life to end. I want to be happy I want to feel happy. Someone said, "Well it can't get any worse now so it can only get better." That's what I was told after the overdose. Then I get raped. I have no faith in my life getting any better. Zero. So what's the point?
  2. jasonkramer

    jasonkramer Well-Known Member

    this may be one of the worst messages in society's opinion but too bad. the point is to improve you life to minimum extent then you can cause other people to suffer, preferably those who did you wrong. most people will not like this and i understand that, but the desire fore revenge is a great motivation to live longer. some times you just have to make other people pay.
  3. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I think the point is to learn.. this life is all about growth.. Sometimes the worst things in life make us think.. and that brings us to a new way of thinking.. sometimes it may seem terrible, but as we go through our experiences we gain understanding and compassion.. and we grow in this way.

    I myself also am dealing with some PTSD and have survived a lot of close suicides.. Sometimes its just about saying "I'm going to try my best to succeed." Maybe you don't always get to were you think you should be or want to be, but try to look at what you have accomplished..

    Give yourself credit.. Your still here.. You lived another day! Congratulate or at least acknowledge you have made it through.. It can be hard to do.. But just beginning to acknowledge the good.. no mater how minuscule it may be.. It combats the opposite said saying all the negative thoughts.

    When your going into a flash back, try to tether yourself to reality in some way. Try not to allow emotion to control you! You are the one in charge, not the emotions... We all have emotions and its about how we react to those feelings.. Acceptance is a good way to try and combat the fear. Trying to tell yourself.. "I know Ive been through hell" and be fine with that.. I'm not saying Deny having issues.. Simply saying "OK, Ive been there. Now I'm going here." And setting realistic small goals. Never give up! You can do it! The greatest inventors never made their inventions right the first time..

    Anyway, sorry for my long speech. I'm not sure if its what you needed but I'm here for you. :hug:
  4. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni


    I'm so sorry to hear this.. when I was at university I too took an overdose only to find myself kicked out of uni until i was 'better'. It was a tough time, but about 13 years later I'm still here and things have improved since then. I know that probably won't help with your situation because right here, right now things are so difficult.. but things can get better.

    Are you still getting help for the way you are feeling? Did the treatment you received help at all? Do people know about you being raped? Sorry for all the questions, I am just wondering how things are going for you now with regards to support. I'm glad that you posted here too and hope it helped.

    I know it's tough but do try to hold on..
    Jenny x
  5. Gingie

    Gingie Active Member

    Thanks so much. I'm trying not to let the emotion control me but it's so hard. I did live another day but I want the pain to stop. I can't get these suicidal thoughts out of my head. I just want to die. I want to feel nothing.

    I am still in treatment and they are helping. They are trying to get the meds right, right now to help me.
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I'm so sorry to hear that you were raped Ginger. Some guys are just awful human beings. But don't let this make you feel suicidal. You can still recover from this and put this awful experience behind you. :hug:
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.