I want to die. I want it to be over now. I cannot accept that this is my life. I first thought about dying when I was nine years old. Finally at age fourteen I took and overdose and tried to end my life. I got too scared and bottled out, got my Mother to take me to the hospital where they force fed me charcoal. And then that was it, no-one ever talked to me about it again. I decided to give myself a year to see if things would improve. I met my soulmate. Ten years later I find out he's fucked someone, about a month ago. A couple of months after had broken up but were still married. And it's the final straw for me. Since we broke I have not moved from this room. Three months of doing nothing. Not wanting to do anything. And I had this tiny spark of hope that he would come back to me and save me from all this. But he's fucked someone. It's over. I cannot deal. I cannot accept that. I am back to being that fourteen year old child. I do not want to live. I don't want it, I don't want it. And now it's harder because I'm very aware how badly I am going to fuck everyone's lives up. There are people who love me and they will be beyond repair if I kill myself. But I don't want to care. I want to die. Will someone please just let me die already. And I'm sat here conflicted knowing the ammount of damage I would do and not knowing how to reason that away. And I know that it isn't easy to kill yourself. I don't want to be found. I don't know where to go, what to do with my body. I don't know who I should write letters too, and how to find the strength to burn stuff I need to keep private. I really really want to die. I cannot have this life. The past is set in concrete and I cannot accept it. I can't live with this anymore.