I want to die

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lostmyfamilytoday, Jun 27, 2011.

  1. It's a long story that I won't go totally into, but my son told me today that he never wants to talk to me again. He immediately took me off as a friend on his Facebook page, and also my husband (who is not his father). That means I can't see my three grandkids either. I love my son. He has a new wife. She threw a fit because I asked my son if we could talk, not thinking that that would be a problem for his wife, but I guess she threatened to leave Michael and so he told me he won't talk to me anymore. I have a granddaughter who lives with his ex and he is having more and more problems with her, culminating this month in them telling me they can't see her until school starts again. I've always called her at her mom's house and my son asked me not to, but I didn't even get a chance to tell her that I couldn't call her anymore. She called me (she is 6 years old) and left a message crying, saying "why don't you call me grandma? I love you and I miss you and I want to come to your house". My son didn't even want me to respond to that. I couldn't do it. It was tearing me apart. So I called her and ended up seeing her and explaining to her that I might not be able to talk to her for awhile but to please know that I love her very much and don't ever forget that. That was yesterday. This morning, he said he will never talk to me again because I called his daughter and I "betrayed" him because I didn't do what he asked me to do. I think I did the only thing I could do for that little girl. But now I've lost everyone. I know he is really insecure and he says he is having suicidal thoughts, too (I haven't told him that I am - I haven't told anyone). I don't want him to kill himself. I know he doesn't want to lose his wife, but he feels he has to choose between her and me or something. He doesn't understand my motives. He thinks I am doing things to hurt him, but I am just doing the best I can with a very painful situation involving an innocent little girl. I'm afraid I'll kill myself. I don't want to hurt my granddaughter. If I kill myself, I would also hurt my mother, who is 80. What do people do in these situations? I am already on antidepressants.
     
  2. Jonathan

    Jonathan Well-Known Member

    How comes the wife doesn't like you? :( That makes me really sad hearing this story.

    Usually the phrase that "time heals all" is a good phrase. Kind of think it is unfair that the wife is deciding whether he can see you or the kids. (The kids I can understand) Just step back for a second and let them live their lives and when you think the time is right, try and get into contact with them. Maybe send your son regular letters and make sure to send letters to those kids too.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 28, 2011
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I don't understand why he didn't want you to talk to your grand daughter, especially when she left you a heart felt message...I think you did the right thing, calling her and seeing her...your son is very mean to do that to his own daughter...and very selfish...

    sorry if I'm judging but that is very sad...I think that this little girl is important and he has no right to keep you from being in her life...

    I guess step back and wait for a while for things to cool down could be a good thing...do you have a good connection with the ex? your grand daughter's mom...'cause then maybe she can allow you to see the child within her own time...if you have her permission then he has no say on wether you see her or not...

    just my opinion....hope all works out for you
     
  4. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    It seems like a heated situation, but it will change as everything in this world changes…

    Your granddaughter will grow up with your love and get stronger… Your son and daughter-in-law may change…either they get closer and feel more secured or else… Your son’s attitude towards you will change accordingly…

    Sometimes people don’t really mean what they say. Your son used the word “betray” but you know he will (if not yet) understand why you had to call your granddaughter…

    You have not lost everyone, but it may be that you do not get to be in contact with them for a while.

    Things will change. The situation will pass - your son and granddaughter will be back in your life… You are the mother and grandma - nobody can change that!! Also, you still have your own mother to care for.

    For the time being, do what you can, find something to do or enjoy without them the way like before in your daily life for a while… Here is a video clip about a similar situation where Byron Katie (well-known for The Work) is helping the mother to deal with the situation. The title of the video clip is “My son refuses to see me”, where the mother could not see her grandchildren, either:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhecptnD5OQ

    In addition, Byron Katie suggested that the mother may see her son and grandchildren secretly (without them knowing it)…

    Please hang in there…
     
  5. Thank you SO MUCH everyone. It is really helping make me stronger. Yes, I think his new wife is very threatened by me for some reason. That video about the guy with no arms or legs was so beautiful, it made me cry. I sent it to my son because I think he is depressed, too. I hope he looks at it.

    No, I had a good relationship with his ex for 6 years, but I cut it off two days ago because I thought it would save my relationship with my son. I also changed my phone number so she couldn't call me. I text messaged my son with my new number and why I changed it. I have gotten no response. I will just lay back low now and let things go their course. I am trying to get ahold of a doctor, too, for me.
     
  6. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    That's great - You are such a loving and forgiving mother. Sooner or later, your son will realize how lucky he is... :)

    Yes, patience is much needed for now...

    Wish you well and hugs :hug:
     
  7. villa

    villa New Member

    You seem like a good person with a big heart. Sometimes family can be very selfish and very demanding. All you can do is wait it out. I have grandchildren also, and we have limited control on what their parents decide. No matter what show your son and tell him you will always be there for him, his daughter and his family. Be forgiving and just ask god to help you deal without taking it on a personal level. I know its hard. My daughter constantly threatens me when she's stressed. I just ignore it and let her know no matter what I am here and nothing will keep me from being there for her and my grandchildren. The next time I talk to her I ask about the kids and how she's doing. I ignore her tone and she changes her attitude. Sometimes she can go for weeks being angry but I forgive her. For it and act like nothing happened. That sometimes throws her for a curve. Show your forgiveness and that you are not going anywhere and good luck. I know it breaks our hearts but its better than breaking our little ones, our grandchildrens hearts. Be strong, you can do it. Ask god to help you tolerate the situations you encounter with patience, forgiveness and unconditional love.
     
  8. Thanks, Villa. I just wrote a long answer to you and then my computer erased it all. Anyway, I have no way of contacting him now to tell him anything, but on Monday morning I emailed him and said I never have wanted to hurt him. I don't even know if he opened the email. I'm not going to email him anymore, or at least not for quite some time. I just can't bear to never talk to him again, or to my grandkids. They are so young - 2, 4 and 6. The 6 year old and I are soooo tight. I miss her the minute she leaves, when I see her. But now I've cut everything off with her mother to please my son, but he still cut me off, so now I've lost all of them. I'm so depressed. I don't know what to do.