I want to die =(

On this day 6 years ago a girl that I dated was "murdered" on the 4th of July. 3 years ago I found out that the death was faked. So, this day has always been a difficult day for me. My current girlfriend and I were going to spend the day together and see the fireworks. She was pretty depressed yesterday and didn't want to do anything and is today too. And she KNOWS how much I need her today.

She completely knows. I'd be there for her if a similar situation happened. So, again here is another 4th of July I will spend alone crying and trying to knock myself for the day. I love my girlfriend a lot but I'm just so disappointed she isn't going to be here for me. Last night when this day first started, I started throwing up and everything from the anxiety. I'm in a mixed episode right now as well (manic and depressed). I just really, really, really don't want to be on this planet anymore. I really think this could be the day.

 

Gingie hun, I know how much it hurts to find out something like that, but you are worth so much more than this!

Is there anyone else you could maybe spend the day with, or even someone you could talk to on the phone or something to voice what is going on in your head?

Take care hun. big :hug: for you.

 

My gf may call me. But I don't know how that's going to help knowing we aren't going to be doing anything now. I also don't know many people in this area. When I transitioned a lot of people abandoned me. So, I have no where to go but stay home alone inside my head again. And my head is telling me to just get it over with and end it. =/

 

So sorry Gingie that you have to go through this. I know we are no replacement for your gf but if you need to talk about anything hun we are here for you hun anytime. Big hugs hun. Try some of the helplines if you need a phone talk to offload feelings too if you need to. xxxx

 

Gingie :hug: I am sorry. I know anniversaries can be a bitch.

Come to chat and hang out with us, at least you won't be all alone.

You can pm me also if you would like to talk, here for you sweetie.

 

Thanks.....I'm still here. Made it through the day, memories aren't going away though. I knocked myself out for most of the day. =/ I still want to die >.<