On this day 6 years ago a girl that I dated was "murdered" on the 4th of July. 3 years ago I found out that the death was faked. So, this day has always been a difficult day for me. My current girlfriend and I were going to spend the day together and see the fireworks. She was pretty depressed yesterday and didn't want to do anything and is today too. And she KNOWS how much I need her today. She completely knows. I'd be there for her if a similar situation happened. So, again here is another 4th of July I will spend alone crying and trying to knock myself for the day. I love my girlfriend a lot but I'm just so disappointed she isn't going to be here for me. Last night when this day first started, I started throwing up and everything from the anxiety. I'm in a mixed episode right now as well (manic and depressed). I just really, really, really don't want to be on this planet anymore. I really think this could be the day.