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I want to die

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I'm 21 and feel like a complete failure in all aspects of life. I am absolutely disgusted with myself for who I am and that feeling of self-hatred is tearing me apart. I hate how I look, I hate how socially awkward I am, I hate how I lack a personality, I hate how I'm stupid, and I hate just about everything else about myself.

I'm just so hopelessly depressed and on top of that I have been struggling with chronic health issues for the past few years that have been increasingly limiting my life. I hate myself, I hate my life, and I hate that because of my health I can't really do anything to improve things.

I really feel like there aren't any solutions to my problems. I cannot change who I am. But who I am is also causing me so much pain and hatred that I cannot live with who I am. The only thing that gets me through each day is knowing that it will all be over soon.

I have a very emotionally sensitive family member who would be devastated if I ended it, and that is the only thing that is keeping me alive for now. I love her so much and I cannot stand the thought of my death leading to hers. But at the same time I cannot take this life and I plan to move away from my home town in the near future to make my death less of a shock to her and to the rest of my family.

Anyway, that's all really. Just needed to let that out.


Well-Known Member
Thats a lot of self hatred. Sounds like you may have Social Anxiety. If so there are things you can do such as CBT, you can help yourself.

Change is possible, whatever you have and I hope you can hold on and find a way forward.
Hi maitreya

I'm glad you've took the first step and let out your feelings, that's a hard thing to do especially if you have social Anxiety like you said.

There is no reason to feel such self hate, everybody is unique and although we have low points just keep your chin up for yourself but also for your friend.

I can't put into words how sorry I am that you have health issues and I won't insult you by saying I know how you feel because I honestly don't. All I can say is just keep holding on and don't move away. Stay with your friend and tell her how your feeling. And just ask for help even if it's to her, or to a doctor to get anti-depressents.

Keep well and if you ever need anybody to talk anonymously just message me.
Take care
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