I'm 21 and feel like a complete failure in all aspects of life. I am absolutely disgusted with myself for who I am and that feeling of self-hatred is tearing me apart. I hate how I look, I hate how socially awkward I am, I hate how I lack a personality, I hate how I'm stupid, and I hate just about everything else about myself. I'm just so hopelessly depressed and on top of that I have been struggling with chronic health issues for the past few years that have been increasingly limiting my life. I hate myself, I hate my life, and I hate that because of my health I can't really do anything to improve things. I really feel like there aren't any solutions to my problems. I cannot change who I am. But who I am is also causing me so much pain and hatred that I cannot live with who I am. The only thing that gets me through each day is knowing that it will all be over soon. I have a very emotionally sensitive family member who would be devastated if I ended it, and that is the only thing that is keeping me alive for now. I love her so much and I cannot stand the thought of my death leading to hers. But at the same time I cannot take this life and I plan to move away from my home town in the near future to make my death less of a shock to her and to the rest of my family. Anyway, that's all really. Just needed to let that out.