I want to do it now

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by pirategirl, Mar 28, 2015.

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  1. pirategirl

    pirategirl Active Member

    I want to kill myself. I want to just finish it now. I have a plan. I have everything I need.

    But I haven't paid off my overdraft. I haven't written my will. I haven't got rid of my books. All things I said I would do before I killed myself. I HAVE to wait. I MUST wait. I just. The urge to just do it now is so strong.

    I don't know what to do.
  2. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that you feel that way, but I feel the same. There's nothing stopping me except that I don't have the courage to do it.
  3. pirategirl

    pirategirl Active Member

    Thanks, AAA3330. I feel so suicidal it's actually a bit scary. Like, I want to do this NOW. The things that are stopping me are getting weaker. I think I am safe at the moment but I honestly don't know how long for. I have never felt like this before.
  4. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I had never felt suicidal until a few years ago when something changed in my brain. Now, I think about it constantly.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter


    please throw out the means you have to do it. It is completely not worth it at all. You should put your efforts into trying to get better and seeking professional help, you need it, please do the right thing. You are still here so you are able to overcome this!! :hug:
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Next time the urge is intense what about calling for help? There are professionals that can give you the relief you need
  7. bayareagirl

    bayareagirl Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you have those intense feelings. I know them too. Calling help lines has helped me through the times when I just have to get through the next minute/hour/day. Sometimes that's what it comes down to - just breathing and making it through the day. Best wishes.
  8. pirategirl

    pirategirl Active Member

    Thank you so much everyone... Petal, I know you have good advice about throwing out my stuff... but what if I need it? I don't think I can. I'm sorry.

    I did nearly call the Samaritans when the urge was at its worst but in the end I didn't need to. I'm seeing someone from the Early Intervention team tomorrow so I will discuss it with her then.
  9. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    pirategirl, I'm sorry you're feeling so low. I'm glad you are here. Perhaps you could take whatever means you have to the appointment tomorrow. Let them help you throw it away. Please, if you are in a bad place, call the Samaritans, go to A&E, call a friend or your doctor.

    I hope tomorrow goes well when you see the Early Intervention team. :hug:
  10. pirategirl

    pirategirl Active Member

    It went ok though I didn't get rid of my stuff. I'm sorry. I just can't. Still having the thoughts but it's not so bad now. I'm in control at the moment so I know I am safe.
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Glad to know you are safe, still might be a good idea to throw out the means though to erase the risk of any temptation!
  12. pirategirl

    pirategirl Active Member

    I can't throw it out... I just can't. I'm sorry. I still want to do it and I need to have the means. It'd be against everything I want to throw it out. I know this sounds backwards but I just can't do it. I am at my mum's at the moment so am safe because I didn't bring it with me ... I don't get back till Sunday but I don't see how anything will have changed. :(
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