First of all, I've never attempted it. I have thought about it countless times. I've thought about suicide from a very early age (about 6). I know this sounds unbelievable but its true. At the time i didnt know it was suicide that i was thinking about. I simply 'wanted to disappear' or 'didnt want to exist'. Mainly because I didnt understand what was going on in class. I had learning difficulties. I was also socially isolated but that was secondary to my problems with understanding and anyway was probably a side effect. My family was and always has been traumatic. I have always had an underlying depression all throughout my school years and there were days when i wanted to die. I went through a bout of having bullying 'friends' as well. Which I think has affected me for life. Both my genes and environment are responsible for my problems. My genes play a slightly bigger part. At one point i found a way to 'get around' my learning problems. Despite having lots of other problems at this point. I studied, with seriously more effort then anyone else in my class. I got to a good uni. I thought this would be my ticket out. How... i didnt think about that. But the ways i had used to get around my learning problems no longer applied in uni.. i suffered as I put maximum effort into studies with minimal output. My social problems persisted. After uni i was suicidal to the point of searching methods. I was very unstable at this time. Then I got a job but was still unstable and suicidal. I hadnt attempted anything because its not easy to commit suicide. Now im serious again, more serious actually. My learning difficulties are still a problem but I have other problems compounding things. When i put everything together, theres too many problems, i feel incredibly unlucky and i dont see a way out or a way to reverse things at all. So I have a method in mind, after some research, a single method. I feel like im suicidal enough for this attempt. Obviously i would never discuss it with anyone. But i do feel intent this time.