You've probably heard this all before from some kid who's feeling sorry for himself. But really, I just need to talk & to know someone knows. I'm an idiot. I was just dumped by the most amazing woman on Earth because I can't show her I love her. I've tried, & I thought I had but she can't feel it from me. I've had the same problem before, none of my relationships have worked. But this was someone special. This was the first one I wanted to settle down with. Before I met her I sat in my bedroom playing games all night. She gave me a life. Her daughter became my daughter, my life was busy, there were things to do after work, I learnt about horse riding. Her life became my life. Including the drug habit. I take drugs every weekend, not just the softer stuff. She got me into it when I met her. She said I only showed love when I was on drugs. We used them to better our relationship. Now, my life is over. I have no friends left, I don't have her, I've lost the girl I called my daughter, I have no money, I have a shit job I'm about to be fired from because I keep taking off work to spend time with the woman I love & I'm always on a come down from drugs. I've thought about killing myself before but always knew I wouldn't because I don't have the courage to do it. Now though, I'm reading about the best ways to do it. I've felt like this for a few months now as the relationship has got worse. I have nothing. My dad lives in another country and has asked for me to go there. I don't know if I can. All the things I had with this woman are here. It's a new life over there and I'll just have the same problems. I can't cope with life, I don't have the life skills. I'm bad with money, I'm stupid & I'm strange. It would be better if I could just die. I don't want to carry on with this life anymore. I had the girl all the guys wanted, the girl everyone loves and wants around them, the girl that fucked the heads of all the men she went out with because they fell in love & she treat them like shit because she didn't know what love was. She knows now, she fell in love with me and I changed her life. But i couldn't show her properly, just running away to anther country might not change anything. I'll still be me, the fuck up she says I am with the same old problems of not being able to cope with life. How do I work this one out? God I need her, she took me away from my mundane life. The most beautiful, intelligent, different, sought after, head fuck of a woman ever. All she needed was love. She's had a hard life, a very hard life & her problems and how she treats people stem from her childhood. I need help. I love her. I hate myself & have no self asteem.