I want to do it

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by bitofamess, Aug 24, 2010.

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  1. bitofamess

    bitofamess New Member

    You've probably heard this all before from some kid who's feeling sorry for himself. But really, I just need to talk & to know someone knows.

    I'm an idiot. I was just dumped by the most amazing woman on Earth because I can't show her I love her. I've tried, & I thought I had but she can't feel it from me. I've had the same problem before, none of my relationships have worked. But this was someone special. This was the first one I wanted to settle down with.

    Before I met her I sat in my bedroom playing games all night. She gave me a life. Her daughter became my daughter, my life was busy, there were things to do after work, I learnt about horse riding. Her life became my life.
    Including the drug habit. I take drugs every weekend, not just the softer stuff. She got me into it when I met her. She said I only showed love when I was on drugs. We used them to better our relationship.
    Now, my life is over. I have no friends left, I don't have her, I've lost the girl I called my daughter, I have no money, I have a shit job I'm about to be fired from because I keep taking off work to spend time with the woman I love & I'm always on a come down from drugs.
    I've thought about killing myself before but always knew I wouldn't because I don't have the courage to do it.
    Now though, I'm reading about the best ways to do it.
    I've felt like this for a few months now as the relationship has got worse.
    I have nothing. My dad lives in another country and has asked for me to go there. I don't know if I can. All the things I had with this woman are here. It's a new life over there and I'll just have the same problems. I can't cope with life, I don't have the life skills. I'm bad with money, I'm stupid & I'm strange.
    It would be better if I could just die. I don't want to carry on with this life anymore.
    I had the girl all the guys wanted, the girl everyone loves and wants around them, the girl that fucked the heads of all the men she went out with because they fell in love & she treat them like shit because she didn't know what love was. She knows now, she fell in love with me and I changed her life. But i couldn't show her properly, just running away to anther country might not change anything. I'll still be me, the fuck up she says I am with the same old problems of not being able to cope with life.

    How do I work this one out? God I need her, she took me away from my mundane life. The most beautiful, intelligent, different, sought after, head fuck of a woman ever.
    All she needed was love. She's had a hard life, a very hard life & her problems and how she treats people stem from her childhood.

    I need help. I love her. I hate myself & have no self asteem.
     
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    first off welcome to the forum...but I'm sorry you need to be here..
    I think you should go to your Fathers and start afresh...see a doctor, get some counseling and look after yourself.....
    I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out but it doesn't sound like you were meant to be ..
    I know you won't want to hear this but if she got you into drug use she's NOT good to be with....
    no-one is worth you taking your life over.....please get yourself some proffessional help..
    take care and know we are here for you...
     
  3. Ålice

    Ålice Banned Member

    TELL HER YOU LOVE HER NOW, and dont stop until she believes you! Tell her everything you just said. As a girl, I can relate to how she feels. She needs you to be strong and reassure her that you love her. If you really do, you should be willing to do anything to make her believe you. Trust me, it will really make you guys stronger as a couple if you just open up to her about everything that's on your mind. It seems to me that she is just as insecure as you are. You need to be the man and stop the drug use for both of you. If all else fails, I think starting fresh with your father is a good plan. But for now, dont let the girl you love slip away. You'll never forgive yourself if you give up now.
     
  4. cashing_out

    cashing_out Well-Known Member

    Bro, stop using......period. This is a bit hypocritical cuz I smoke weed but thats all I do. (inquire if you wish) No more whiskey, beer, heroin, coke, speed, or anyhting else including cigarettes. Had to kick that crap to the curb before I lost everything.....sound familiar? Take it from a guy that has lost just about everything there is to lose including a fiance to a drunk driver. Im a little torn on this one. I can understand how much you love her and what you are willing to do to get her back. But the real problem here are the drugs. They increase the amount of endorphins your brain produces and after a while, your brain stops making them naturally and wont produce them untill you use the drug. So, if your not high, your not happy. You wont show love or any other good emotion. All you will do is be pissed off till you get your fix. Ya gotta kick that shit. She needs to do it with you. If she doesnt, then YOU must move on. Go be with your dad and start fresh. Its not you, its the drugs..........
     
  5. hillsworth13

    hillsworth13 Member

    hey there-sounds to me like you're a really good person who genuinely cares about someone. if she doesn't see that and ESPECIALLY because she got you into drugs, she's not the one. it may seem like that, but the "one" doesn't need you to take drugs to make herself feel loved.
    you say you have nothing, but that's not true, from what it sounds. you have a father who wants you to come live with him. if you feel like there's nothing left where you live now, then try somewhere else! the world is a huge place full of people who love you, even though they don't know you. if you make the effort, tremendous things can happen!!

    truthfully, i have two big fears for my future:
    1) being alone for the rest of my life
    2) dying without visiting as many places as i can on the earth

    you have an opportunity to avoid both of these; go visit your father, try a make a new life in a new place, and you might just find someone to love you for YOU, not the effect drugs have on you.

    :smile:
     
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