I am incapable of happiness, and no matter what happens I will NEVER be good enough for anyone. That is the truth. I will always be looked at as a screw up. My life has been snowballing in the wrong direction for so many years that I honestly don't even know what true happiness even is or what it feels like. I don't think I would be too selfish in committing suicide because my entire family knows my situation and they would understand why I chose to end it all. My family are the only ones who matter anyway, so as long as I'm not hurting them in the end then everything is fine. If you knew my situation too then you would probably understand as well.
And I'm not getting any help from anyone. I'm starting to feel resentment now, which is obviously not a good thing. I'm feeling hostile and on edge. I don't want to do something that I regret. I know I shouldn't randomly go up to a complete stranger and start picking a fight with them, but I'm starting to lose all hope.