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I want to end it all right now

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Smudger, Feb 6, 2012.

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  1. Smudger

    Smudger New Member

    My current depressed state has come on extremely suddenly over the last two hours and has just been getting worse and worse. I emailed a friend explaining how I felt, as best I could and she told me maybe I do need to go back to a psych ward and she doesn't like hearing this off me. Also that I can't rely on her to change my mood and I need to get better on my own.

    All it takes from her is simple things to make my life happy and I can easily go on living. I've struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts for the last eight years and was recently diagnosed as schizophrenic. I was diagnosed as a child as being autistic too. Life has never been easy to live due to being autistic and now with a whole new label and now what appears to be lack of support from the one person who does help me, it's even harder to see what the point in living is.

    I don't feel like there's any point to me or anything I do. Nobody seems to care in the end, they all just say they do because it's the 'correct' and polite thing to do in the moment. Sure they would be sad for a bit if I killed myself but they'd easily get over it. It would have no real impact on their lives except in making it easier for them to be happy cause clearly I'm such a downer. I don't really have any proper friends, just some online. Things in person just never work out for me with people. I'm either rejected and made an outcast or things just don't go right.

    All I can think about is how I want to hurt myself and bleed and end up killing myself just to make it all end. I can't deal with the things in my head at all. I hate being alive and see no future for myself. What's the point in me when all I do is struggle with living and can't find joy in hardly anything. Surely in some circumstances suicide is the better option for some people? despite what the majority believe.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    NO NOONE gets over it i don't know why people think this i have not got over it and it still hurts so much inside There are medications that can stabilize you and you can go on and live a productive life. There are people with schizophrenia working in all fields of life. YOu can have the life you chose just like any illness you need to get stable with meds and keep stable so your voices your delusion stay away. YOu can do whatever you wish hun just get the help you need to get well first hugs
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...if you have autistic tendencies, this might interfere with being about to maintain social relationships..there is good therapy for that, and it has shown to be quite effective...also with a new diagnosis comes so many emotions, but please remember, you are a person, first, not a collection of diagnostic categories...and as a person, you count...please speak to someone in neuropsychology or a pdoc to see what options are available for you...you do deserve to feel better, and I hope you will become an advocate for yourself
  4. BigTomTooToo

    BigTomTooToo Well-Known Member

    I suffer from depression, just last week I was viewing the world in the same way you were. I just have to find things to work my way out it. Like changing my outlook on the world and thinking positively about being alive and having this life. Some days are hard but you can always overcome it.
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