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I want to escape

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cots

cots

Well-Known Member
#1
#1
I am so sick of feeling tired and afraid all the time. Recently been waking up with arm numbness and heart palpitations. Can't sleep. My heart rate has always been on the higher end so I think I might get a heart failure if this goes on.

As I probably mentioned before I'm living with parents who are BOTH diagnosed with depression and anxiety on top of the usual aging problems. It's killing me. There is only so much a person can take. I have resorted to using ear plugs at night just to block myself from whatever's going on around me.

I feel extremely responsible for my parents and their well being. But I'm at wits end and I don't know how to make them feel better. My frustration just makes everyone feel lousier.

I'm actually hoping that I get a heart attack tonight so I'll die without having to do anything to myself. As irresponsible as this may sound I really want to escape it all.

I am so tired and I want to run away.
 
SolitaryMan

SolitaryMan

Member
#3
#3
Sorry for what you're going through. Your situation make me think about my parents (depression, anxiety, panic are words very familiar in my family). Maybe in a near future I could deal with a situation like yours. For now I'm still lucky because they can take care of themselves even not for everything. I have no brothers or sisters so everything is on me when things are bad.
I don't want to bother you with my story, but I faced a similar situation to yours when my mom broke her hip. With all the difficulties of a case like this, add a chemical dependence on psychotropic drug, because when she began to assume these drugs during 70's, doctors still didn't know their long-term negative effects.
There were moments during convalescence I wanted only to disappear and wake up in another part of the universe. So I really understand your difficult moment.
 
cots

cots

Well-Known Member
#4
#4
Thank you all for responding. It means a lot to me.

@SolitaryMan, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Like you, I have no siblings and it does feel like everything is on me. Sometimes I want to just sleep and never wake up.
 
Daphna

Daphna

Ninja of light
#5
#5
cots said:
I am so sick of feeling tired and afraid all the time. Recently been waking up with arm numbness and heart palpitations. Can't sleep. My heart rate has always been on the higher end so I think I might get a heart failure if this goes on.

As I probably mentioned before I'm living with parents who are BOTH diagnosed with depression and anxiety on top of the usual aging problems. It's killing me. There is only so much a person can take. I have resorted to using ear plugs at night just to block myself from whatever's going on around me.

I feel extremely responsible for my parents and their well being. But I'm at wits end and I don't know how to make them feel better. My frustration just makes everyone feel lousier.

I'm actually hoping that I get a heart attack tonight so I'll die without having to do anything to myself. As irresponsible as this may sound I really want to escape it all.

I am so tired and I want to run away.
Click to expand...
We have to admit that we have limits. Just do the best you can, and love them. That’s it. Take care of them, love them, and love yourself. Taking care of your parents is an honorable task, but don’t neglect yourself in the process.
 
Anonymous ID

Anonymous ID

Well-Known Member
#6
#6
It can be hard when your not only responsible for your own well being but others. That's what has kept me going because I don't wanna hurt the people around me. Don't forget to look after yourself as well. Can you get help from places outside your home? Just keep talking about it
 
cots

cots

Well-Known Member
#7
#7
Thanks for the replies, Daphna and Anon. Yes things can get overwhelming when I feel that I've reached my limits. I feel powerless and utterly useless when that happens. I could get help I guess, but they cost money and I'm not exactly in the best financial situation to engage external help. I suppose I just got to take it day by day for now.
 
Daphna

Daphna

Ninja of light
#8
#8
cots said:
Thanks for the replies, Daphna and Anon. Yes things can get overwhelming when I feel that I've reached my limits. I feel powerless and utterly useless when that happens. I could get help I guess, but they cost money and I'm not exactly in the best financial situation to engage external help. I suppose I just got to take it day by day for now.
Click to expand...
There should be free crisis hotlines to call, and there is always this forum to turn to for guidance. Prayers for you and your family.
 
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