I want to fade..

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by InnerStrength, Apr 25, 2007.

  1. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    I don't care if these posts of mine are read anymore. They're good for venting, at least...

    I can't take being "young" or looking young, and having my life pass on by. It's torture, I'd rather be dead. I'm too burnt out, too mentally corrupt to enjoy life. I wish euthanasia was valid in the US, because I would've used that service a long time ago. I'm not really living anyway, just coasting through existance. I barely see the sun anymore, agoraphobia runs rampant.

    Apathy, depression, rage, intense sadness. There's just no point to life anymore. I HATE myself, I HATE being. *If* there was a God, I wish he/she/it would've given my life to someone else. I wouldn't be suffering now, that's for sure. I think it's a sure sign I should die when my bed is more satisfying than life itself. I can feel myself just slipping into that mental fog. I'd rather be dead than live this life anymore. I have all this money in the bank, I should just buy a gun and shoot myself. Even if I do mess up and become a vegetable it wouldn't matter, because I'm mostly bedridden anyway. I actually feel a whole lot better now, and I don't no why I didn't think of that before. Why mess with pills when guns are so much more effective.

    I realized for the first time, that some people weren't made for life.
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    Death is not the answer. There are many places to get help here on earth.
    You don't have to suffer. You sound like a good person. You deserve life just like everyone else does, don't throw it away. Talk to me if you have to.
  3. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Do you have anyone to talk to in the real world? If money isn't an issue then perhaps you could try a few therapists if you don't, hopefully find someone you click with. I'm not a dr by any stretch of the imagination but I recognise what you are going through as things I have gone through in the past, are you being treated for depression at all? If not would you be willing to give it a chance if you thought it could help?
  4. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    I was treated for depression a long time ago, didn't help, really. And I don't have anyone to talk to because I shun most people. I guess I'm just in one of those incurable ruts.
  5. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member


    i can totally relate to what you say, please know you're not alone
  6. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Thanks, but knowing I'm not alone isn't enough unfortunately.
  7. noplacetogo

    noplacetogo Well-Known Member

    What will be enough?
  8. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    I...don't know. Maybe being antisocial for so long has made me irrepairably(sp?) mentally ill. I wish I had somebody else's mind :sad:
  9. noplacetogo

    noplacetogo Well-Known Member

    I don't think it's someone else's mind you need, just someone else's mind to understand yours.