I don't care if these posts of mine are read anymore. They're good for venting, at least... I can't take being "young" or looking young, and having my life pass on by. It's torture, I'd rather be dead. I'm too burnt out, too mentally corrupt to enjoy life. I wish euthanasia was valid in the US, because I would've used that service a long time ago. I'm not really living anyway, just coasting through existance. I barely see the sun anymore, agoraphobia runs rampant. Apathy, depression, rage, intense sadness. There's just no point to life anymore. I HATE myself, I HATE being. *If* there was a God, I wish he/she/it would've given my life to someone else. I wouldn't be suffering now, that's for sure. I think it's a sure sign I should die when my bed is more satisfying than life itself. I can feel myself just slipping into that mental fog. I'd rather be dead than live this life anymore. I have all this money in the bank, I should just buy a gun and shoot myself. Even if I do mess up and become a vegetable it wouldn't matter, because I'm mostly bedridden anyway. I actually feel a whole lot better now, and I don't no why I didn't think of that before. Why mess with pills when guns are so much more effective. I realized for the first time, that some people weren't made for life.