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I want to fade..

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I

InnerStrength

Well-Known Member
#1
#1
I don't care if these posts of mine are read anymore. They're good for venting, at least...

I can't take being "young" or looking young, and having my life pass on by. It's torture, I'd rather be dead. I'm too burnt out, too mentally corrupt to enjoy life. I wish euthanasia was valid in the US, because I would've used that service a long time ago. I'm not really living anyway, just coasting through existance. I barely see the sun anymore, agoraphobia runs rampant.

Apathy, depression, rage, intense sadness. There's just no point to life anymore. I HATE myself, I HATE being. *If* there was a God, I wish he/she/it would've given my life to someone else. I wouldn't be suffering now, that's for sure. I think it's a sure sign I should die when my bed is more satisfying than life itself. I can feel myself just slipping into that mental fog. I'd rather be dead than live this life anymore. I have all this money in the bank, I should just buy a gun and shoot myself. Even if I do mess up and become a vegetable it wouldn't matter, because I'm mostly bedridden anyway. I actually feel a whole lot better now, and I don't no why I didn't think of that before. Why mess with pills when guns are so much more effective.

I realized for the first time, that some people weren't made for life.
 
B

Blackness

#2
#2
Death is not the answer. There are many places to get help here on earth.
You don't have to suffer. You sound like a good person. You deserve life just like everyone else does, don't throw it away. Talk to me if you have to.
 
R

Robin

#3
#3
Do you have anyone to talk to in the real world? If money isn't an issue then perhaps you could try a few therapists if you don't, hopefully find someone you click with. I'm not a dr by any stretch of the imagination but I recognise what you are going through as things I have gone through in the past, are you being treated for depression at all? If not would you be willing to give it a chance if you thought it could help?
 
I

InnerStrength

Well-Known Member
#4
#4
I was treated for depression a long time ago, didn't help, really. And I don't have anyone to talk to because I shun most people. I guess I'm just in one of those incurable ruts.
 
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