i want to fuciking die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by purpleAPY, Mar 13, 2011.

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  1. purpleAPY

    purpleAPY Well-Known Member

    the only reason i havent done it yet or why im not doing it now is because i dont have a method. if i had a foolproof method i wouldnt even be typing this now, i would be fcuking dead. i cant talk to anyone, i have no one to turn to. i used to hvae my roommate but she has her own shit to deal with and cant deal with myp robelms and last semester she was depressed and shit and her grades went down and evyerhint g because of ME. it was my fucking fault and i just feel guilty. i cant deal with anything in my life and i just want it to be fcucking over. i fuckning hate this and i dont know what else to do. i have no idea. please help me. i just need to talk to someone. i want to talk to my roommmate so badlhy but i cant put her through this again. i cant. im fucking terrified right now. i want to fucking leave and never come back. im about to fucking run away because i dont have a way to kill myself and i dont know what else to do. i jutst want to run away from my problems. i hate everything in my life so much right now. there is nothing in my life worth living for.

    and the worst part is. my roommate, who i trust more than anyone else and also the only person who is home right now/avaialable for me to talk to, doenst want to fuckng talk to me because ive already stressed her out too much and she cant deal with me anymore.
     
  2. Emo

    Emo Account Closed

    Could you call a crisis line talk to someone there ,it might help to talk to some one who is able to talk to you about these things .

    Sorry that things are so hard for you right now
     
  3. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    Hi

    I'm really sorry that things are so hard right now and you want to die. I'm sorry too that you are not able to talk to your housemate anymore even though she's there with you. Is there anyone else you could reach out to such as a counsellor or a helpline? I'm glad that you wrote here and hope you'll continue to do so.. you can 'talk' as much as you'd like here and i hope it helps.

    Please take care of yourself
    Jenny x
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    The councilor at your schools are there just for that reason to talk to the will listen to you give you some ideas on how to cope get your work load lessened so you are not so stressed The coucilors are trained to help you your friend is not okay she needs to heal too maybe suggest to her to see councilor as well hugs to you
     
  5. purpleAPY

    purpleAPY Well-Known Member

    i stopped going to my therapist, i dont know why i just did. i just didnt want to go anymore.

    also when i wrote this thread i was probably more depressed than ive felt in months. but maybe 15 minutes after i wrote it, i started talking to my roommate about something else and felt completely fine... if you couldnt tell from my typing i was really drunk when i made this, and also possibly had a minor concussion from slamming my head onto a concrete floor earlier that night so i think my emotions were like really all over the place....
     
  6. themadcatter

    themadcatter Member

    im here if you want to talk, try to get through these hardships, i had tough times like these but i tried my hardest to get through, and i did! remeber a stress free/peaceful mind is a great mind
     
  7. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    I'm glad that you were able to talk to your housemate and you're feeling better than when you wrote this thread. Hope things improve for you soon x
     
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Please keep talking to us.. Running away won't settle things.. If anything it will be worst..I lived on the streets for a year crashing where ever I could find a place... There are alot of predators out there..It's not a pretty life..
     
  9. purpleAPY

    purpleAPY Well-Known Member

    i mean i live in north philadelphia so i'd probably die anyway if i tried to live on the streets here... but i know that the feelings i had last night due to being drunk/having a possible concussion are still there... ive just been burying them. what sucks is that the person i trust the most and the person who i feel most comfortable talking to about anything like this doesnt want to hear it... she told me last night she can't deal with it and that she really can't be here for me, just because she cant handle my problems. which just fucking sucks so much, i need her to be here for me and yeah i have some other people to turn to but no one that i trust as much as her. i dont even know if there is anyone i can talk to at this point. i feel so incredibly alone. i know i have like hotlines and sites like this and whatnot but its not like i have a real friend who i know and trust that i can turn to right now... i dont have anyone...
     
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