I want to give up

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by OleanderSweet, Dec 3, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. OleanderSweet

    OleanderSweet Member

    I am tired.
    I try medication after medication
    I attend hour upon hour of therapy

    But I will always return here
    this sad place

    Thinking of work... of school... How am I supposed to live like this?
    When am I allowed to give up?

    If I had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, and my only future was agony... Plenty of people would support the right to take my life
    But after so many attempts to get better, after all these endless years of trying, when am I allowed to say, "I tried enough. My life is pain, and is not improving. I want to leave now."

    and I do
    I want to leave. I just want to leave.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I used to think as you have written, and now I find myself with a disease, although not immediately terminal, the secondary effects of which is bound to kill me...it is very different from this perspective, and considerably more ambivalent for me...but not to high jack your thread, I do understand what you are saying having been there myself several years ago...I used to ask myself, what is it about what I am doing is not giving over to the treatment...how much more can I reveal/disclose and how much more am I willing to see? This did make a change for me, because I was able to put my shame aside and take a more truthful (words are so inaccurate) look at myself...it was not pretty, but it was necessary...maybe there is something about your perceptions that can change and net greater success
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, OleanderSweet. Sounds like you are doing lots to help yourself and you feel frustrated because it hasn't worked...yet.

    Therapy can take a while to help draw out and resolve all the issues that cause us pain. And even when we know what the issues are, it takes practice - active thinking - to shift our old pattern of thoughts to our new understanding. So, maybe you need more time and practice. Meds can be a bit of a scramble because they work a little differently for everyone. Keep trying though, because if you do get the right med/meds, it can make a huge difference!

    Look for small improvements. Most changes in life happen little bits at a time. Maybe make small goals and be pleased and proud when you reach those, rather than thinking that everything will change at once. Keep doing all the right things just as you have been doing.

    It sounds like you want a few little successes in amongst the hard stuff, and that is so understandable. What little thing would make you feel a little better? How will you try to achieve that?

    Stay safe as you keep working on things. :hug:
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.