I want to give up

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Veclord, May 1, 2009.

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  1. Veclord

    Veclord Active Member

    I just had it out with another woman I was seeing. I'm 22 years old working full time to help support my family. I'm the oldest of 7 and the only one working to support them is my Dad and he just barely gets by. I went through a very bad break up around 3 years ago and since then I've struggled to find a steady and healthy relationship.

    There's a girl I'd met through my last job a few months back that started coming on really strong. I've taken her out 3 different times so far, and off and on she's constantly pressured me in to having sex with her. The problem is that I feel as though I need to get to know a person before I get to that point, but almost every woman I've been out with has put me through this. I really don't understand it. I talk, flirt, and do my best to get to know these different types of girls and that's always where it ends up.

    It also bothers me that she's had a history of being a bit loose with the other guys I had worked with at that time, and now she comes to me talking about starting a serious legitimate relationship. She also does drugs but claims to have stopped. I kept dodging her when she would insist that we go out together. I wanted to but I didn't want to get tied down with her knowing how she was.

    Anyway about an hour before I wrote this thread I canceled another date with her and she basically cursed me out telling me that I did this every time. I said that the only thing she wanted to do was fuck and do drugs and that I had a family that depended on me, so I couldn't afford to live like that. She then started calling my phone non stop because I wasn't answering and after a while she wrote me back saying that she genuinely wanted me as a boyfriend. I told her that she needed to find somebody else to do all the things she talked about doing because I had a past and I don't want to live that life anymore. My life is to these kids. She never wrote me back.

    I feel as though I did the right thing but at the same time I feel like crying as though I did something horrible. This is another of countless times a potential relationship has gone sour with me because of something ridiculous. I can't go to school or do any of the things I want to do hardly because I could never live with myself if I just abandoned my family like everyone else does. I'm in way over my head, but I fight on regardless and for what? People generally make me sick and I just don't know how to handle it anymore. Even people at the church I go to are socially inept, snobby, miserable asses who are barely approachable if at all.

    I've tried so hard to live right that I don't want to live.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I know this is just my opinion, but I think you did the right thing. From what you said, it didn't sound like the two of you had much in common. I know it's hard to find the right person, but you can find someone that you feel comfortable with, that wants to go at the same pace you do.

    It's awesome that you're helping your family, but it's a lot for one person to handle. Can any of the others get jobs so that things are a bit easier on you?
  3. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    First, I second all that Alison said above. You've got enough on your shoulders right now (Atlas comes to mind) and this doesn't sound like the right relationship for you.

    I hope you continue to post and make some friends here. You can send me a private message any time and I will respond. We're here for you.

    I have been in similar situations and know the pressures you are facing, but you sound like the type of person who can, and will, get through it.
  4. Belladonna

    Belladonna Well-Known Member

    I've got to say that this is NOT a ridiculous reason for deciding to not date her. I think you are being very mature and responsible. That drugs and casual sex lifestyle isn't your thing, there's nothing wrong with that. You did the opposite of something horrible. You know yourself well enough to know that you could easily sleep with this girl but it isn't what you want. From a female perspective, someone that actually likes me and isn't all into me for only sex is a RARE thing! You will make some girl that is right for you happy.

    Please think about this, you love your family and do so much for them but taking time out to take care of your own needs is not abandoning them. It is important for you to do fun things, maybe go out once a week and do whatever you want, make time for yourself, because if you are burnt out and exhausted, you can't love your family and be there for them the way you want to. It is important to have balance. If you get to the point where you go through with suicide, everyone misses out on having you in their lives. If anything by not taking care of your own needs, you end up abandoning your family, friends, and yourself.
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