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I want to go!---> where to post?

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Antiquitie's Friend
I don't know where my head is at, or what I need to say now......but I feel something down in my gut. If you have time to post, please do so. I do not have many people to bounce things off of lately. good or bad or anything?

I struggle with severe depression and bipolar, BPD. In the last 2 years it has worsened due to life situation. I am a christian, (explains below) many of you are not. That is fine. BUT, I am hurting and in pain. I also am older.

The thing that is on me:

*{-}*I cannot deal with my life now. I have the means, time/place. I am wavering. I don't even know how to make a 'hurting' post. damn. I have little motivation or support to be healthy. I do think of dying, etc. I cry daliy. If I drink will it be faster? :burp: It's so unfair for a child to die in a house fire or a man to drown in the flood when I WANT to DIE. You know what I mean!!

*{+}*On the flip side, I have good pdoc and social worker, not have a therapist yet (maybe soon). If I stay on a schedule and take the meds I can function. If that is what they mean by getting out of bed. I have no job cuz of a slight criminal misdemeanor. I have no car I lost it in divorce. Anyhow, I try to believe in God and pray for a restoration of my marriage, :marriage: family. That is not posible if the mind is full of doubt and death. I believe that God would do this, but I doubt myself and my husbands heart. He does not talk to me at all now. I love my husband still. My 3 year old son is with him and I cannot see him now (court, long story). To do this I must stay alive. YET, I don't see it happening and I do NOT see me living with seeing my son.

I can't function when I am in this limbo.

I am not one to make a public display if I attempt. I prefer secrecy to avoid embarrassment if I fail.



Hey TLA, I don't know you very well yet but would like to, if you need a friend and see me online, drop me a pm :) Sending you :hug: 's

I liked the way you said maybe soon, in brackets after you mentioned a therapist, shows you're still planning for the future, if only a little and I'm glad you've got a great pdoc and social worker, it's nice to have someone there for you in real life to look out for you, I hope you get that therapist soon, I've heard short term tehy can be hell but long term they can help a great deal, keep us updated as you go pls :)


Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
From one of the older ones, I know and understand the difficulties you are facing.
Remember what I said before about seeing your son? Get the therapist and work on your probs then go back to court to get some sort of access organised(your social worker can help with that one.
Really understand the limbo thing it makes everything so difficult, but it will pass hun. Meanwhile post away..I'll look out for the posts and help if I can.


Antiquitie's Friend
thanks for your words Terry. I have struggled for awhile. Will buzz ya if I get desperate. :unsure:
(Which reminds me why did you change your screen name? you are not desperate anymore, right?)
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