I've had to log on here today because I can't deal with the way i'm feeling anymore. The medication doesn't work...it doesn't numb my feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness. I'm going through a really tough time due to being suspended from my job...had vile allegations made against me which have devestated me and ripped out my heart. I can't go out and am isolating myself from my friends, not that I have many...I don't trust people enough to make new friends. I feel so alone and a failure, and just want the pain to end. I'm forty next year..have no realtionship, but a string of failed ones behind me, I have no children...which makes my heart ache. My whole life has been a complete mess and I have failed everyone around me. Why can't i get myself together...the thought that I would be better off dead is with me constantly, but i'm scared to end my life (it's not much of one). I'm not living anymore anyway just exisiting and its a horrible place to be in. How do I get through this when my life has no meaning anymore, all I want to do is run, but run to where because i'm still the same me and the problems won't just disappear. Whats the point suffering all this pain?