I'm new here. Well, I guess I never thought I'd find myself appealing to a website called the Suicide Forum for help. Well, I'm 18 years old. I've been depressed on and off for most of my teenage life, but it's gotten severe over the last couple of months. I constantly, and I mean constantly, think, plan, wish about hurting myself or others. I have nothing left to live for, except to take care of my mom, whom is the only person I love (or whom loves me for that matter). I'm not going to college, because I can't afford it and it's a waste of time, I have no friends, no girlfriend, no job, and my family (except my mom) hates me. I just feel like an utter failure. I've lost all empathy for people, and am so mean to everybody when I don't mean to be. I would cheer up tremendously if I just had a friend or two, but I can't get close to anybody and my hate for humanity just grows and grows. I usually fall asleep most nights thinking about how I'd like to take revenge on the world, and what people will say about me when I'm dead. Well I can usually express myself better than this, but my mind is congested, and I'm sorry this came out all f***** up. Thanks for listening. I'm also sorry if this is triggering. I understand how emotionally unsettling those threads can be, and I'm sincerely sorry if this came out that way. Like I said, this is my first post, so cut me some slack.