Im trying to figure out why I find everything so hard, and have never been able to cope with anything in my life, I can spot underlying causes, but nothing makes the pain go away. When I spot the problem's it makes nothing better And I just can't do anything right. Basically I was born into an extremely disfunctional family. My dad is a workaholic/alcoholic, drinks about 3 bottles of wine a day, and works from the second he wakes up to the second he goes to sleep. He's told me that he values his work a lot more then he values me. So I didnt really have a dad, in my eyes, and my mum was severely depressed when I was born, and could not cope with anything, I could not really do anything to help, my older brothers would lend hands here and there but nothing would cheer her up. She was extremely masculine And refused to let anyone help her and would have a go at me if I brought up one of my problems because she saw her problems as bigger So didnt really pay much attention to me. My brother went through schizophrenia when I started going to secondary school, and would fight me from the second i got home to the second I went to sleep. He once told me that he was going to kill me in my sleep, and held a knife to my chest. My other brother got cystic fibrosis, and went through depression aswell, and would try and convince me that I should be depressed aswell through all the problems, but I wanted to be the normal one. To kind of make things worse I developed dyspraxia and ADD. I guess that's because I managed to keep my happiness, but my brain suffered as a result. So it was very demotivating as I was a complete clutz, which I got insulted for all the time, and took about 3 years longer then everyone else to learn everything. I found it hard to keep organised with homework, schoolwork as a result and was told of every second for it, but my family couldn't understand. But anyway, the thing I had left was friends, as when I went into school, I made friends with everyone, but because of my past, I developed social anxiety problems, and social dependancy. This basically meant I could only be myself, around people I had known for more then 2 weeks and Knew I could fully like them, If I didn't know them I'd get extremely scared and extremely paranoid. So despite all these problems I still kept my happiness, as I still had social power with some of my friends. But, they started seeing me as a bit of a loser, and a bit immature, because I couldn't cope with the work, would constantley get stressed out, and Couldn't find the time for them as I'd be spending so much time trying to do coursework. My mum practically beat me up because I hadn't finished coursework, and now my dad Is paying attention to me for the first time in my life, as I am depressed. As I am scared I am loosing my friends Im pushing them away because I don't know how to deal with them as Im so stressed out and depressed. I tried to bring up that I wanted to see therapist or psycologist but my mum got really upset, then started shouting at me and told me Im taking for granted everything she's bought me, and that She's gone through a lot worse. I mean the way I see it the five parts of a good life that need to be attended to, to be happy are, Friends, health, family, Love + relationship ( although im only 15), Work. Friends I've lost through my own failures through the other parts of life, Health I have a few mental issues, but all in all good health, Awful family... think bad and then think ten million times worse, had a girlfriend, and work is affected by everything in my life. I mean if you have any tips on how to bounce back from this, please don't hesitate, I just see myself from an analytical point of view in a Rut.