For the past month, I have had on and off feelings of wanting to kill myself. The thing is, I could never bring myself to do it. I also feel like I have no reason to feel like this. I have major anxiety--sometimes leading to attacks. I am paranoid about everything and I think that everything is going to turn out terrible. I am leaving tomorrow for a summer camp at a university for 2 weeks and I am terrified that I won't have any friends or that I'll be alone because I am shy and that people will just think i am weird and won't want to talk to me. That is an example of what happens to me. The reason I have thought about committing suicide is because I feel like nothing has been right in my life. I am not sad, but I feel like some things just bring me over the edge. Sometimes I am really excited about something and I want to share it with my mom.. but when I do, she doesn't care and just shrugs it off. Sometimes I feel so lonely. I have a boyfriend, but he is diagnosed with clinical depression so I am too scared to talk to him because I feel like he'll say I don't understand anything and that my life is perfect. I haven't talked to anyone about how I feel and it drives me crazy. I tried to get my mom to take me to a psychiatrist to talk about my anxiety, but she refused to because she does not believe in psychological disorders. The thing is... i don't really know what is wrong with my life. I have a great family. Over the past few months I have lost a lot of friends. They have stopped talking to me or I have realized they were not really my friend. Some friends have tried to purposefully sabotage my relationship with my boyfriend or make him believe things that were not true. I feel like I mess up in our relationship all the time because he is constantly angry at him or i get mad at him for no reason. There is just so much going on with different things that I don't know where to start or what to say. I feel like I am going nowhere. I feel like everything would just be so much better if I were no longer alive. Everyday I wake up and I'll be ok, but then a couple hours later something happens and it is hell. I don't know why i feel this way, or if i even have the right to feel like this; but all i know is that I want to die.