:hug: not sure what to say, but wanted you to know someone was here. I've imagined that type of thing many times i don't think it helps, you can't know how people will react or deal with it. From my experiences it will be very hard for whoever finds you.. and anyone who cares about you in real life and on here, i have seen the devastation..
you seem to believe no one will truely care, i'm not going to pretend to know about your situation just that people can surprise you, and even the connections made online can be strong ones, even people you may not have spoken to for years can still care. Even so, if no one did, you should care. Live for you. I know its hard, you have replied to me before, you seemed friendly and caring, the world needs that.
Are you getting help in any way? it can really seem never ending, the only hope i see is that others have gone through similar feelings and made it through. What you have to do, which is really tough, is keep holding on, getting help, fighting it. The way i see things (which is different for everyone of course) is you can't be happy if you are dead, yes suffering is crap but its something i try to think about. There is hope. It won't seem like it but there is, you have to keep working at it, just as best you can, no one can ask for more than that.
:hug: