I want to kill myself.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by HopelessDumbGirl., Sep 17, 2010.

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  1. I feel helpless right now.. Legitimately helpless so I just went to www.help.com and came here, and surprisingly, it’s a site. This may be somewhat long. I apologize, but I really, really need help.

    My parents split up when I was 15, after 26 years. My father always gave me everything I could ever want.. I went through a depression state. I think honestly, I’m still in one. I fucked up my sophmore year. Didn’t pass anything.. then moved to another state with my mom and her boyfriend.. got straight A’s there, until they broke up and we moved BACK to where we orignally were, and my mother didn’t want to put me back in school again.. Now, it’s a new school year. I went to go try to attempt finishing school.. but I hate it. I can’t force myself to go anymore.. I hate EVERYTHING about school.. So, the first week I decided I would get my GED and just quit..

    Now it’s september, almost october.. I havent studied for my GED, my mom won’t even buy me a book to study for it.. I have to get a 525 on the test JUST to be able to get into college.. something I really, really want to do and I feel like my life is going NO WHERE.

    This morning, I tried to tell my mother that I wanted to go to a special school, it’s advanced in credits and would help me since i’m so far behind.. but she just doesn’t wan to hear it. She doesn’t want to “deal” with me being back in school again, she wants me to just get my GED and be done with school and she won’t even respect the fact that I actually WANT to get a High School Diploma..

    What doesn't help is I have a boyfriend in New York, I am in Tennessee.. and he always makes comments about how I "took the easy way out." and how disappointed he is in me. that's what brought on this depression.. he just started college, and I haven't even finished highschool yet.. and all I want is to be with him and make him happy, but I can't ever do that.. especially now that he's constantly bringing up the fact that I dropped out of school.. I told him everything I was feeling and how badly I wanted to die, and turned my phone off because I don't even want to see his responce.. I'm embarrassed by it.

    I feel like i’m going to grow up, and be misreble. No education, no job, living with my parents on the computer all day.. I feel like jumping off a bridge, or crashing my car purposely to kill myself.. I don’t know what else to do, I feel so hopeless right now.. I have no idea where to start, what to do, I feel so stressed out over my future.. What am I suppose to do? I want to be a teacher, or something in computers.. but without an education, I can’t do either of those.. I just feel like killing myself at this point.. Taking a bunch of my mothers heart pills, going and getting in a crash on the interstate.. I feel left behind by life and I just really, really want to die.
  2. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Hi, hun, you are not hopeless, and your are not dumb. I congratulate you that you have the ambition to get your high school diploma. Never mind what your mom say to discourage you; or your boyfriend to hurt you, but you keep trying to get you diploma. OK, hun? You sound like you know what you want in life, go for it, honey. Get a degree to teach in computers, as you desire.

    Write your goals down, and don't let anyone persuade you differently. You are young and you can accomplish your dreams.

    If you can't get your mother to buy your book, maybe you can buy it 2nd hand on the internet or from a former student in the class. Or maybe check if you can get it free somewhere.

    I believe that you can reach your goals, hun.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...your BF telling you those things is not helpful...please tell him that and that you need support now, not criticism...I am glad you posted and look forward to seeing you here...please PM me if I can be there to support you...big hugs and welcome again, J
  4. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Wow, someone with similar issues as me. Strikingly similar, actually.

    My parents are divorced, failed sophomore year, had to switch schools and after a week of school am being pressured by my mom to just drop out and get a ged because it's a waste of other's time and money to try and get me to succeed.

    Hell if I know what there is to do about it honestly.

    I can relate, though if that means anything. Which it probably doesn't.
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi hun. I'm sorry to hear that you're in so much pain right now, but suicide isn't the answer. I'm a high school teacher and I think that you either need to complete your remaining credits or get your GED so that you can go to college. The workforce is very competitive and jobs are scarce, so you have to have your education. Being a teacher is a nice career choice, because you get to help students to be successful. Please don't give up. :hug:
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