I want to know the truth, please tell me

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Scum, Apr 19, 2007.

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  1. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I seem to unintentionally wind people up.

    Can anyone tell me what it is that winds people up?

    Can you point out the things that I do that wind people up please.

    That way I stand a chance at correcting them and not winding people up.

    People on this forum are under a lot of stress already without me stressing them further. If people can please, please be honest with me and pull apart the things I do that annoy people, so that I can work on it.

    Thanks very much.
  2. crzykidshanana

    crzykidshanana Well-Known Member

    I tend to like the things you say.

    I tend to make people think that what I'm saying is intended in an unsettling way, as well.

    I guess the best thing to do is really think about what you're typing, n' apply it (reaction-wise) not only to yourself, but to people who (although they may not be) aren't the MOST stable. Meaning, say things as though you're saying it to people who ARE about to do what they claim they want to...even if it's just to get people to say no.
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I do try to word things carefully, like I never tell people things will get better, I say I hope they will, or they should get better, etc. I always try to instill hope as much as I can.

    But maybe you are right in that I need to think even harder about it. Thank you for replying :)
  4. people get upset because sometimes its hard to cope with hearing the truth- your saying nothing wrong, your making people think and that is the right thing to do hun :) :hug:
  5. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I agree with Blackrose here. I have read through a lot of your posts, and when people do have a bad reaction to you, I scratch my head and wonder why. I think your responses are well-thought out and it is obvious that you really care about helping people. I don't get it...
  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Thank you guys. Both of you.

    Peanut, it's interesting that you don't understand why people react badly to what I have said. I used to think that maybe people got annoyed because I raised a point that hit home somehow, but it seems to be happening so often that it can't be that.

    Maybe I just naturally antagonise people :S That's not a thought I was to have to face because it's harder to correct if it is something natural and unintentional. But if I have to face it, I will.
  7. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Hi Scum! Some people I suppose don't really want help. I have this problem too, sometimes. Some people just want you to inflate their egos or tell them that everything will work out regardless, without actually wanting to hear HOW they can make things better. You tend to offer very constructive means of making things better; you are specific and offer real-world advice instead of just rainbows and butterflies. At the same time, you don't do it in an accusatory or condescending way. You are truly trying to help, and you tend to know when someone just needs compassion or a kind word. I personally wouldn't change a thing about the way you respond to people because your advice (IMO) is some of the most helpful here. Sorry I couldn't be more help :arms:
  8. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    :hug: Right now I want to hunt you down and hug you tightly. A lot of various events on here tonight have left me feeling awful, and with that comment you made me feel a bit better, so much so that now I want to cry (not sure why though).

    Thank you for what you have said, I really do appreciate it. It didn't quite go with what I was asking for from the thread, but it gave me a boost, so thank you. :hug:

    Hopefully someone that I have annoyed or pissed off will tell me what I did wrong and how to correct that.
  9. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Awww Scum you just made me feel happy :)

    I was reading the post where you called "Nobody" a "he". I guess some people feel that others don't really listen, and that reinforced that for "Nobody", even though you did not intend that at all. There are so many people on here, it's hard to keep it straight sometimes, and sometimes we are just typing so fast we don't really pay attention. People always get it into their heads that I'm a guy...sometimes because of the way I talk, sometimes because of my silly picture :), but the bottom line is that if someone is already in a sensitive state, anything can be perceived in the wrong way...even if we have the best intentions.

    Hang in there, girl. You have so much to offer, and if you change your approach, then the many, many people you DO help on here will suffer for the sake of the few who get rubbed the wrong way. Anybody who reads your posts knows that all you want to do is help people, and I for one really admire your ability to do that when you are in so much pain yourself. :hug:
  10. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Aw, I'm glad I made you all happy. You made me feel better by helping me, and then you felt good because what you had said helped me :) That is how helping people can help yourself, so I'm really glad that you felt happy.

    That was a total mistake what I said about nobody, which I did try to explain but people didn't accept my apology. Like I said, I don't even remember writing the post, not because I forgot but because I was stressed and probably dissociated. But again, that was not accepted.

    But it was an honest mistake. People often mistake for me a guy too, and I don't really care, lol. But yes, I should have somehow realised my error and stuff. Maybe I need to try and re-read more carefully. That stops the simple errors.

    I'm just going to be honest here, I find it easier to look internally to try to find a reason to change as opposed to seeing a general reason like that.

    I could easily have said to someone else the same thing, and believe it, yet I can't believe it for myself.
  11. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

  12. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    :hug: You're a gem, you know that? Never let anyone else tell you any different.

    Thank you SO very truly much.
  13. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Awwww :hug: So are you! PM me if you EVER need a chat :)
  14. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I scratch me head too Peanut. Have never seen anything in Mucs posts to incite even mild annoyance.
  15. twilight

    twilight Well-Known Member

    I thought you were a little harsh with me. I mean that I know what I did was wrong and I thought I mentioned that I made a mistake. You don't have to tell me that I need to try to learn to never to do it again. I won't ever do it again. Saying things like that makes it seem like I lack the intelligence to know I made a mistake and I need someone like you to tell me not to do it again. I would say please don't try to make people feel bad about what they did and just try to give them hope. Sorry if I sounded a little rude but I am just being honest. I appreciate that you were trying to help me. You are not scum even though thats your sn. Don't let what I just said make you feel bad. I know that you do help people. I just want to give you advice for next time.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 19, 2007
  16. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    honesty is good.

    so thank you.

    I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, and certianly not belittle your intelligence, but sometimes some people can't see outside themselves, or don't know what to do to make it better, or something like that. I try to give full answers but I'm sorry if it offended you or upset you. I wish you had PMed me to tell you and we could have cleared up any problems.

    If I make people feel bad I need to stop helping really, because I don't ever EVER mean to make people feel bad. So I just need to stop saying anything.
  17. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Don't stop S. You help so many people...what a shame it would be :(
  18. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Good God NO!!!! that would be a mega loss to the forum.
  19. twilight

    twilight Well-Known Member

    Sorry, I never thought what I said you make you want to stop helping people. Please don't!!!
  20. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    S, I don't know what the hell you are talking about, with regards to me.

    Yes, you calling me a 'he' did upset me at the time, but that's because I was already upset. And I EXPLAINED that afterwards. I know I snapped at you but I then apologised for it! How on earth can you say that I didn't accept your apology when I was apologising myself?! :eek:hmy:

    The fact that you didn't mean it WAS accepted. I said that publicly and then you snapped at me for sticking up for you. You just said "Don't defend me." and that was it. Which hit me quite hard actually. That hurt, in the state of mind I was in.

    You keep saying that your replies wind me up, but they don't. I have told you that REPEATEDLY. If you chopose not to listen or accept what I say as truth then I can't do anything more.

    Until this thread you HADN'T wound me up, not once. Maybe you just want to believe that people don't want you to reply - certainly takes the pressure off... ?
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