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I want to live....but I don't see a way out...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by montanapdx, May 22, 2011.

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  1. montanapdx

    montanapdx New Member

    I was going to move back to my hometown to live with my brother and mom for a while. My mother was extremely abusive to us as children (mainly me). I have bad anxiety and depression now. My brother can't work or function at all. He is very badly bi-polar. I put in my notice and I am supposed to move this week. In my brother's bi-polar episode today, he decided I can't live there. My mother is always mean to me if I am sad or something bad has happened to me. She really took this situation and kicked me even more. For some reason, I thought things got better back home. I guess it was a front.

    I don't have a job. I don't have anyone to stay with. I don't have the money for this. I am completely screwed.

    I feel so low right now and betrayed. I am going to search frantically for a job. I have been looking for a long time and I can't find anything. I feel like ending my life. I don't see any way out of this situation. I have been trying so hard to be happy and i don't want to die, but I also can't face being homeless. I was pretty low and now I am at the lowest I have ever been.

    My fear of hell is the main reason I did not do it today. I also want to prepare. I need to clean my apartment, write a long note, and find a place for my cat.

    I could use someone to talk to. A hotline is stupid. blah. Please help me...
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome to the forums, I'm sorry to hear about your abusive childhood.Does it help to talk about it?
    Please don't do anything rash,you have everything to live for , you can get over the past with help and your brother needs you :hug:
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    hey, I'm sorry that you are going through this

    it sounds like if you can manage the practical issues effectively, things could work out fine

    we might be able to help

    what country are you in? state or province?

    there are often government assistance programs that you may be eligible for

    some meds might help you

    is there any other relative that you could stay with?

    maybe there is a way you could stay with your mom again, but it sounds like it would be best to be somewhere else

    I hope that you can get through this!
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I know what you mean about being homeless.. My parents kicked me out when I was seventeen..I lived on the streets for a year..I finally decided enough was enough..So I went down and joined the Marines..Three hots and a cit.. I couldn't ask for more..Free dental work, free medical..It's alot of hard work but if you put your mind to it you can do it..
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