I want to <mod edit - methods>

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by dontquitever, Jan 3, 2016.

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  1. dontquitever

    dontquitever Member

    Sure, in the short term people might be upset but in the end I will be doing everyone a favour. I have hurt enough people as it is. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my life and I am grateful for many things but I can't continue to hurt people. I fucked up. And I will never be happy again. I can act, its fine. But I wont be happy - guess I am looking for a reason to not to do it, because that is all I can think about. Exercise, self harm, seeing friends - these are temporary releases. I KNOW I have a lot to be grateful for but I am SICK of coping with these thoughts, I have been fighting for 11 years and I can't take it any more. No one understands. I have booked a GP appt next week but God knows if I will be able to explain it and I have been on meds before but they don't work - I guess why would they when the bad feelings are down to the fact that I fucked up...
     
  2. dontquitever

    dontquitever Member

    I just want to be the kind of person people want to be around, but in this frame of mind which will never change, I cant be. Ok, temporarily but I am just causing my loved ones pain.
     
  3. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I am sorry that you are in so much pain. I am glad that you have made an appointment to see the GP. I know you have been on meds before and they didn't work - but i was on and off meds for 10 years before I found one that worked. Its about perseverance and working with your doctor to find a combination that does work. It doesn't matter the 'why' of you feeling bad - if you are depressed you are depressed and anti depressants deal with that. They don't fix anything but they do help enough that you can start to fix things for yourself - which is a long road but it is worth walking.

    Take care and stay safe
    Freya
     
  4. dontquitever

    dontquitever Member

    The issue is, I messed up and have irreversibly wrecked someone s life for ever. He does not think I did, but I know I did. I will never be able to make anyone happy or get anything right like other people seem to.
     
  5. dontquitever

    dontquitever Member

    But thank you. In any case, I hate myself. I am a waste of space. I wish I could do something right for once.
     
  6. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    If it is his life then he is the person who gets to decide whether or not his life is ruined, not you. The first steps toward doing something right is to stop telling yourself such awful things about yourself. If you heard someone say that to someone else - anyone else - you would be outraged right? You need to stop telling yourself bad things - I know it isn't easy but the negative self talk is destructive and corrosive.
     
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