I want to quit

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Forgotten_Man, Apr 1, 2007.

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  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I wrote that entry in my livejournal earlier. Now it has escalated to wanting to quit. But funny how I cannot motivate myself to do it :(. I feel so empty so alone. I wish I could just die in my sleep. I feel like I might since I have no one to hug me and force their life energy into me :(. I won't ever have someone who will just walk into my room see me lying in bed and just come in and hold me :( nope I should quit and accept it. That makes the disappointment less right? Just accepting that it won't happen no matter how much I want it too happen? That is right, if I expect the worse when the worse comes it won't hurt as bad. It is sad when the best you can expect is to die.

    Why do I feel like this? I need to work to do my job to finish school. But this gets in my way. If this keeps up I will fail at everything I will be broke uneducated I will lose everything even my closest possession. I need to work but I can't. It is crunch time :blub: Why can't I work if I don't work I will lose my job because I won't graduate:cry: And then I will not be able to get another one and I will be poor. I will let my friend down. He will hate me for failing. If I fail he will be stuck at his house. Where will he bring his girlfriend for sex? Where will he hide from the shit his family gives him. I can't fail him, but I can't motivate myself to do anything but type :blub: :cry: what can I do? There is not time I need to get motivated.

    Maybe skiing tomorrow will help. I hope anyway :cry: :blub:
     
  2. TwilightKid

    TwilightKid Well-Known Member

    When i read your post about lying in bed, i felt as if i wrote it. I can totally relate to what u are saying. This happens to me alot too. I just dont feel motivated enough to leave the bed, i just want to stay there and be there until 12PM or even later if i can... I dont wanna get up, coz what for? I prefer just lay in bed and read a book or something... I can dream too, but i dont ream too much lately. I am feeling tired all the time, i think thats becoz of the meds i am taking.
    Its really bad that we have no one who we can talk to about this, i mean in real life. Its always good to type and share our thoughts with people who care and undersdtand but its not the same as talking to someone face to face. But what can we do except just go on? We just have to go on and maybe, just maybe, someday we will see the light and motivation to get up and act! Dont lose hope, i am trying hard not to lose mine!
     
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    ~Hug~ thanks a lot friend. I know what you mean very well too. I was just consumed by the cold darkness on my climb towards light. But I will beat it even if I have to force my body to do the work that needs to be done. Maybe one day we can help each other get out of bed and face life. ^_^ we all need help sometimes.
     
  4. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    FM I'm here dude I understand how painful it is and I'm always here for you.
     
  5. BrooklynRider

    BrooklynRider Well-Known Member

    Hi Forgotten Man-

    Boy, I can relate to what you wrote. It really sounds like you are in the midst of depression. You might want to talk to your doctor about it. All of your feelings about wanting to sleep, laying in bed, lack of motivation are all classic symptoms of depression. I was diagnosed with depression back in January. It was very bad. I've come through it and I'm doing okay (with some ups and downs for other reasons).

    Ultimately, know you are not alone. Welcome to the forum.
     
  6. TwilightKid

    TwilightKid Well-Known Member

    Forgotten_Man

    :cheekkiss: You know i really care for u! We can make it i think! Sometimes we have to let that weird creature called "optimistic thinking" enter our mind and just keep on persuading ourselves we really do believe the stories its telling us! *lol sounds weird* :huh:
     
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @ace: I know Ace thanks a bunch I am glad you are here. Even if it is only over the internet. It is only the net that seperates us. But if you want to find your way to my place and snuggle up with me in bed I would be all for that

    @BrooklynRider: :laugh: Welcomed again, I have been here for a while but thanks.

    Yeah I am sure it is depression, actually I think I might be Bi-polar. Anyway I am going to go see a doctor after I graduate. I do not have time to be seeing one now unfortunately. I have kept myself sane these past two years I can last another month.

    Thanks for the encouragement though


    @TwilightKid: ~giggles~ first time someone has used that emote on me.

    Anyway thanks I know I have been letting that creature tell me stories for two months now. I am trying to listen but you know from time to time it just sounds like fiction.

    Say didcha get my email?
     
  8. TwilightKid

    TwilightKid Well-Known Member

    Yep i did get ur email! Will mail u later today ok?! :biggrin:
     
  9. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Indeed I got mail too XD.
     
  10. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    FM I hope you're feeling alot better just to let you know I'm thinking about you.
     
  11. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Indeed I am feeling a bit better. Thanks for your thoughts, I hope you are doing well too.
     
  12. BrooklynRider

    BrooklynRider Well-Known Member

    That's great news! So glad to here it. Be good to yourself. Stay safe.
     
  13. Jawa

    Jawa Guest

    You do not have time to feel sorry for yourself, get on with your work.

    Whatever the things are that you are searching for, they can wait. Do well in your work, set yourself a timetable for the week and stick to it. At the moment you have formed a lazy habit, using your depression as a vice. Establish a new routine/set of habits for yourself and over time you will beat depression.

    Motivation and inspiration are different. You sound like you are working when you have inspiration. You already identified you motivation - that if you do not work life will become very shit for you, so use that motivation to do well. Enough trying to find a reason why you are doing things, you already know why and thus already have your motivation.

    Just get on with it. Give yourself half an hour every week lets say, for you to write down how you are feeling/what's been making you feel overwhelmed lately. That way you have your outlet.

    Make sure you sleep decent regular hours, eat well/have regular meals, and do at least one sport activity twice per week for an hour. Also go out for a walk in the Sun every day, it will lift your mood. Listen to upbeat music/read positive books/watch happy or comical films and TV shows, avoid depressing stuff. Go to your doctor's and see if you have any possible vitamin or mineral deficiencies. If you are constantly lying in bed/feeling tired, find out if you are anemic - that is a common problem and can stop you from feeling tired all the time.
     
  14. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @BrooklynRider: What is great? I am confused XD

    @Jawa: Yeah I am trying to keep busy with work but it is not as easy as you would think. I am trying my hardest I really am. But I just burn out and it sucks. I just burn out and my mind has a tendancy to multi-task. In the end I can force myself to do work if it comes down to that. It is just bad work
     
  15. Jawa

    Jawa Guest

    If you don't want to help yourself, then there's no use me giving you any advice. I only responded to this thread because I received the impression that you were the kind of person who would act on these things rather than make excuses/try to justify negative behavior/back themselves into a corner. Clearly I was mistaken.

    Good luck with everything.
     
  16. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    FM remember this my friend no one walks in your shoes and endures your pain like you walk in no one else's,I know you're trying hard:wink:.In terms of keeping busy I know you're doing what you can remember I'm always here for whatever you need to talk about Jawa does raise some good points though.
    what i do suggest is when you feel up to it write down everything that you think makes or contributes to you feeling in a sought of sad way.
    And remember I know what it's like I get down for absolutely nothing at times,so I know where you would be coming from whatever angle.:wink:
     
  17. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member


    Now hey, thats mean to say don't you think? :mad:
    Sometimes its really hard to have motivation, come on, haven't you ever made excuses or not had any motivation to change your circumstances? We can't always be active, sometimes we are passive and blame things on external forces rather than internal.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 4, 2007
  18. Jawa

    Jawa Guest

    It's called honesty. Interpreting it as a mean thing to say is a common thing because that suits the individual's normal expectations of other people's motivations. I suggest you look for the motivations behind the advice with a better sense in order to understand why I say the things I say.
    Yeah, I used to beat myself on the legs with a tennis racket if I started doing that. I trained myself out of that habit. (Before you think I'm a weirdo, I'm a very lazy person so the tennis racket had to be used to train a strong conditioned response out of me - the habit was that bad.)
     
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2007
  19. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you managed to get rid of that nasty habit. A LOT of us have this bad habit, and can you blame us? Its much easier to sit idly by and blame others for our problems than ourselfs and to get up to take action rather than hope and wait for things to change by themselves, its good that you are more proactive than many, I hope I can be like you as well.
     
  20. Jawa

    Jawa Guest

    Cheers.

    One of the problems people with depression (an in fact most mental disorders) face is that if they have had it for a while, then it can become like an old friend to them. It becomes their norm so although they are suffering as a result, they do not truly want to give up their illness. Many people are perscribed treatment only to refuse it. But the simple truth of the matter is that the only time they are going to change anything about their lives is when they want to.

    There are so many resources available, people to ask for advice, and of course our [fairly unused] brains, that for somebody to claim they haven't already thought of at least one possible solu^ to their problem, then they are lying.
     
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2007
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