Hi. For some that know me, you know that my oldest child and I haven't spoken in 5 years. I have 3 others. I worry that my identity will even be compromised when I talk about things here, but I really have grown comfortable here. I do have someone that likes to know everything about me so I have to watch my back. Lately, I just want to move say fuck it and...oh i dont know, sorry getting off track.
So, my niece who is like my soul mate was shocked and me too when I told her that my oldest daughter will text me, Happy Birthday or Happy Mothers Day. I used to try to keep any lines if communication open, and then I gave up. I got angry, she sided with her father, blah blah. Etc. She judges me, she just throws me a crumb. When I really felt such devastation, like my heart was ripped out. I'd give my life for her.
Of course I think about her. I dont know. When is the right time to reconnect? I've always, or been that parent that have never forced my will on my children. And, look where jts gotten me, ha. My niece says I'm being a snot.
I'm willing to take any input from this community, even harsh. I've done things that my daughter can see as counter culture and she is straight laced and has expressed as a child of just wanting a normal family, never to forgive me for leaving her father. After I did, I went into a very deep depression when I realized the dominoe effect I caused and took me a long time to stop living with guilt.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
So, my niece who is like my soul mate was shocked and me too when I told her that my oldest daughter will text me, Happy Birthday or Happy Mothers Day. I used to try to keep any lines if communication open, and then I gave up. I got angry, she sided with her father, blah blah. Etc. She judges me, she just throws me a crumb. When I really felt such devastation, like my heart was ripped out. I'd give my life for her.
Of course I think about her. I dont know. When is the right time to reconnect? I've always, or been that parent that have never forced my will on my children. And, look where jts gotten me, ha. My niece says I'm being a snot.
I'm willing to take any input from this community, even harsh. I've done things that my daughter can see as counter culture and she is straight laced and has expressed as a child of just wanting a normal family, never to forgive me for leaving her father. After I did, I went into a very deep depression when I realized the dominoe effect I caused and took me a long time to stop living with guilt.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.