I want to rip off my flesh

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by effervescentpsyche, Sep 27, 2008.

  1. effervescentpsyche

    effervescentpsyche Well-Known Member

    I can't stand the pain and anxiety anymore. Every day at work it's the same exact crap...then the weekends they aren't really relaxing days at all...I just wait until monday to start up again. People at work they have laughed at me before and ridiculed me...they always tell me about my mistakes but never about the things I do right! I hate them all! I just want to scream and yell at them and say I'M A PERSON TOO DAMN IT! But I just sit there staring blankly as I feel the tears well up inside of myself.

    I wish I could rip my flesh off...I want to tear out my eyes...rip out my hair...just put myself through so much pain and then maybe I will stop feeling what I feel on the inside. I am consumed with hate...hatered for myself and hatered towards everyone else.

    Why am I such a freak? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I just feel happiness for once in my life? I feel like I'm damned...I feel like I've wrong someone in a past life and now I'm suffering for something I did not know I did. I have been moelested, raped, cheated on, betrayed, almost killed by someone twice...why do people hate me so much? What did I do wrong? Why do I have no friends?

    I know why...because I'm a plague...I'm a disease and eveyrone else must see it...except those who are truly blind which are few in between...and once they get close they see and then they want to get rid of me too. I'm tired of crying every night...tired of having to hurt myself to stop myself from hurting someone else or from breaking something.

    Doctors don't help...medication doesn't help...nothing can help the damned.

    Just had to vent and let it all out.
     
  2. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    I know that was just you venting. If it makes you feel any better, I fell off a bus last Wednesday. I cut up my knee pretty badly but it was still kinda funny. I know how you feel, feeling like a disease, having no one there. I would say PM me anytime but a couple of things get in the way 1) you probably never would, 2) I'm not on as often as I used to be, and 3) I'm not very much help. But I do hope things get better for you. I'll say this anyway, PM me anytime you need someone to talk to.
     
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please don't do this to yourself hun. I'm sorry to hear that so many bad things have happened in your life. But your life isn't over yet. You have to try to love yourself, no matter how hard that might seem. Your a human being just like everyone else and you deserve to be loved. :hug: