I want to run awayyyy

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mil, Oct 1, 2009.

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  1. Mil

    Mil Member

    Because I'm not sure I want to die. I have a plan to die though. Lots of rope and a conveniant balcony outside my bedroom. Though I've also got lots of money so I could run away too.

    There is a boy that keeps me where I am though. I'm also going to University because of him even though it is not what I want to do. We're not even together... but he makes me feel good. I can't imagine being away from him.

    I really DON'T want to go. I get so stressed and University will fuck me around... I want to TRAVEL so bad. By myself. But if I travel then my best friend will want to come. I have to do this on my OWN.

    I'm growing quite desperate.
  2. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Running away is usually not a good choice, even if you have lots of money, you may be finding yourself running short on it and then you'll have no way to support yourself. Jobs are getting harder and harder to get every day... don't run away without doing some extensive thinking and planning first.

    Doing a trip tough sounds like a great way to relax, I'm not sure why would you like to go alone tough, it's so much better to travel with friends, lots of fun to be had, trips are less boring... but if you really wanna go alone, I'm sure you can just tell your friend you have to do that on your own, if s/he's a good friend, I'm sure s/he'll understand that.

    And what's the deal with this boy? Do you know him or he's just some stranger you got interested in?
  3. Mil

    Mil Member

    No he's not a stranger. He's a good friend.

    I don't want to go with my best friend because he's very clingly. Like I would have to organise everything and I wouldn't be able to meet new people because he is so shy. Like I love him but he stresses me out. I just need time on my own.

    I just don't want to worry about anything anymore. I want relief! When I feel worried/stressed/anxious I write down all the possible ways I could kill myself. I just don't want to feel anything anymore. I want peace.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Please don't run away..There are alot of predators out there who look for vulnerable young ladies..You have taken the first step by coming here and talking with us..Maybe you should see a therapist to talk over whats eating away at you..Taking a trip where you will be safe would give you a break to let you get your thoughts in order..Please be safe!!
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Mil, welcome to the forums. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? If under 18,please don't run away. If over 18, you've got money, you're free to do what you like. But, it isn't a wise choice especially when you are feeling suicidal. Please use the money you have and see a counsellor and a doctor, they can help you...meds and therapy can make a huge difference. I wish you the best of luck :hug: Keep us updated x
  6. Mil

    Mil Member

    I'm 17. I already go to a therapist and I hate it.

    Last night I had drinks with my friends. The guy I'm in love with was there... I got too drunk and was apparently acting all weird. My friends were giving me shit about it later... it upset me and I considered hanging myself but then I realised I was too drunk. This boy makes me so happy sometimes but he has the potential to make me do anything...
  7. Mr A and the sky pilots

    Mr A and the sky pilots Active Member

    Hi Mil, You Dont have to go to university, you could go to a local college. But when you say it stresses you out how do you mean? When i have to go somewhere or meet someone i get headaches because i have anexity, do you feel the same way?
    If you love this guy, then you should probubly know, that you need to snap him up now, because when he goes to Uni, there will be lots of other girls, so make your move now.

    You really dont have much cause for wanting to commit suicide, you have a plan, which anyone can think up, but you like me, are too inteligent to go through with it. Most people have a survival instict that takes them away from pain.

    Next time you feel sad, why dont you think about it, and let the people know why your sad, i.e if a group of people had a go at you, pick the ring leader and pull them up about it on their own.
  8. Mil

    Mil Member

    Every aspect stresses me out. Meeting people is the least of my concerns but doing the study and not passing drives me batty.

    I can't go to the local college because there isn't one... we don't have them. And I want to get away from my family.
  9. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hi again Millie,

    Back in the dark ages when I was 16, I packed my little handkerchief slung it over my shoulder and headed off to live in Auckland - parents couldn't make you go back home once you hit 16 if you could prove you were able to support yourself. I'd been counting the years since 11 and you couldn't see me for dust once that time arrived.

    BUT - I waited until I'd finished 6th form so I had that important bit of paper that let me go to further education whenever I then wanted. If nothing else, think hard about finishing school even if it's crap, just to get that bit of paper - it really will open doors for you later on, throughout your life.

    University doesn't start till next year, that gives you a bit of time to see how it's going with the guy you want to be with - it could come to something in that time. But if you really don't want to go to uni - you don't have to. Nothing says you have to go straight after school, you can take as many years away as you want and it will still be there if you decide to go. Only you need that bit of paper first! (it used to be called UE in my day).

    Travel is a great idea - something to really plan for. But it IS important to plan it - if you just rush off now that could end up spoiling what is a fantastic experience.

    If it's really crap at home, is it possible to go and stay with friends, or other relatives, just until you finish school?

    And finally, would it be an idea to speak to someone at school - a counsellor or advisor? In my day there were no such things, but I'm sure by now every school has someone you could talk to - just to get an idea of your options. I'm pretty sure schools offer the opportunity to do resits - so if you really can't handle the pressure of studying and assignments and all that and have to stop, make sure you've got it sorted so that if and when you do want to finish studying, you'll be able to.

  10. Mil

    Mil Member

    I already have to go to a Psychologist outside of school.

    But I don't really want to. How do I tell her I want to stop? I don't think it's been mandated that I have to go or anything. I think cognitive behavioral therapy is fucking stupid.

    I think I will travel next year... I honestly can't see myself going to University but the thought of being away from this guy really upsets me.

    I'm really highly strung and tiny little things, (that in the moment seem huge), drive me crazy and make me self harm or go draw up plans on how to kill myself or something.

    e.g the other night I said something silly, it didn't offend anyone but it embarrassed me, (I was drunk), then when I got home the next day I went crazy and was crying, then I almost went to my garage and got some rope... only reason I didn't is because I had friends over. Now I can see that was irrational but at the time I was beside myself and could have done anything.

    That's why I'm really hesitant about going to University or pursuing Tertiary education... I just can't be around anything stressful.

    I'm going nutsssssss
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