i want to self harm so people will know i am suffering

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by twing, Aug 13, 2011.

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  1. twing

    twing Active Member

    i have social anxiety and depression and my mind is f***ing me over every single day. I have had social anxiety my whole life but only found out what it was at the start of this year. I have not told anyone. Also just a note although sometimes i think suicide would be easier than struggling every day i am not talking about suicide in this post. If i did commit suicide i think people would say he was always a bit different but they never expected it

    I have pressed a blade to my skin many times but never cut myself, i want to do it because of the pain but also because people will know i am suffering. I wanted to cut myself last night, i wanted to feel the pain but i didn't because i didn't want people to see the marks. I keep thinking about doing something extreme so that i wont be able to hide it any more. I know that if i cut my wrist there would be no turning back i guess that is why i am hesitant doing it. People think im fine people think im happy, im sure they think im a bit different or slightly weird but they have no idea how much pain im in.

    I try to be strong i try to keep it together i keep going through everyday trying to live a normal life but im sick of this, i dont know if my thoughts will ever be normal my mind is f***ed im tired of trying to hide it.

    At home when my parents are annoying me i keep thinking about running and jumping out the kitchen window. It is a big single pane of glass a meter or two from the ground, if i did something like that i wouldn't be able to hide it anymore they would know i have problems. Several times i have thought to myself if you say that one more time im going to do it, i swear im going to do it.

    I know this sounds stupid, why cant i just tell them but this is the reason i want to self harm most of the time, so i wont be able to hide it anymore. I guess im either going to find a way through this (unlikely) or snap, break stuff, smash the tv cut my wrist or whatever

    edit : it sounds stupid it is like attention seeking i know but it certainly isn't a joke, i can't tell them in words, i don't even want to tell my parents they don't seem like the right people to tell, there is really noone that seems like the right person to tell, i want to sort this out on own and not tell anyone but i dont know when its going to start getting better
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 13, 2011
  2. toopainfultolive

    toopainfultolive Well-Known Member

    its not attention-seeking. i feel the same way too. they know something's wrong with me but just pretend it's nothng that wont get over on its own. sometimes i wanna show them how serious i am so they will know it's real and maybe they can support me or just hug me once.

    i dunno how to help u. just wanna say im in the same situation.
  3. twing

    twing Active Member

    that's exactly how i feel
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you don't self harm hun the scars are so hard to get rid of I hope you talk to someone and tell them how it hurts inside and that you need their help to get it to stop hugs
  5. kizzybaby

    kizzybaby Well-Known Member

    I really understand where you are coming from. The things you are feeling are hard to say out loud, and sometimes even when you do, people may not 'get' exactly what you mean, or exactly how bad it really feels. So you can look for any possible way to express it. This isnt the way darling. Its really not. It wont help, it wont even make them 'see' whats hurting so bad. It will set you off on just another cycle of struggle and hurt. Hurting yourself isnt going to change whats wrong. It wont make it better, i promise you. Its an addictive, dangerous and life consuming agony, which makes everything even more of a mess and gives you something else to hate yourself for.
    You just have to find a way to express yourself. I dont know how to help you do that, it can only come from you. But i hope you find a way. And im so sorry you feel the need to go to this extreme.
    Find someone you can talk to, and find a way of getting these feeling out, without hurting yourself even more. xxxx
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