I want to so bad

I was raped. I was bullied on. I was being let down. I was betrayed.
Believe me, I've been down here before. Lost myself. But I found my way out again. And now I don't even know where that is.

I wanna do drugs. I wanna drink. But I don't, cuz I want to hurt myself as much as I can. I feel like a wreck. I don't know who I am, I have two other personalities. I have these flashes when the older one takes control. Flashes of me buying a dagger of a knife. Me walking into the class. Not answering the question what I'm doing. Stabbing me in my belly. Falling down in front of a screaming classroom, with a smile on my face.

God I want to. I want to so badly. WHY FUCKING CAN'T I???

 

im sorry :hug: i dont know what to say, just know im here thinking of you :arms:

 

Everybody in my life says they know what's going on.. That they know how I'm feeling.. They don't. They fucking don't. And they'll never.

 

Feeling is different from knowing what you feel. Knowing is different from knowing that others know what you feel. Others not knowing how you feel does not prevent them from helping you.

 

Their idea of helping is ignoring my problems. Well, I allready know THAT won't work.

 

have you tried talking to them about them? so they cant ignore them persay?