I want to start again...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by xoCherie, May 15, 2012.

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  1. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    I mean really start. I've been off and on-ing SH for a few months, the last time three weeks ago, and with everything happening lately...I'm finding myself trying to inflict pain, both physically, emotionally and socially. Physically through biting my thumb knuckle, scratching my arm until it starts to sting and draws blood. Emotionally and socially by destroying the friendships I have, including one that's lasted four years, and constantly thinking negative, self loathing thoughts. It's like I can't stop. I got asked today if I have been diagnosed with depression and the person was shocked when I said no, but that I had been medicated before for it.
    I'm so fucked up but no one can see it.
     
  2. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    i'm in a similar situation. staying out of reach to be real friends, always hurting myself in multiple ways and my thoughts, you don't even want to know. everyone around me thinks i'm perfectly fine, even my parents who know that i've attempted suicide before. and then they're completely surprised when they find out i did cut/bite myself again. cuz they keep checking up on me and still never see it until it reaches the point where i can't hide the one or other thing and then they're like in shock and don't know what to do. they just want to send me to a shrink again. last time they saw a wound, they said that i should stop for them. i don't talk to them, i keep saying it's fine, i keep lying and even though the tears break out they don't dig deeper. i'm glad for that but then they go along and say that they can't go on this way and start crying because i'm causing them so much stress by acting this way. i have an appointment to see the shrink next week.

    it's funny how you can show all signs and still no one takes you seriously the next time you smile. hurting yourself in all those ways doesn't help either. i think the best might really be to openly talk to someone.
     
  3. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    I tried that, but they turned out to not be helpful...she told the whole course basically...I still want to punch her
     
  4. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    yeah, i'd want to punch her too. one should know that this is not for gossip.
    so, you said you weren't diagnosed, that means you don't go to a doctor for this?
     
  5. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    I. Going to the doctor tomorrow...idk, if I show him my cuts from last night I don't know how he'll take it :/
    I've got to see my youth outreach worker tomorrow before the appointment. I don't know if I should show him or not. It's only the second time we will be talking
     
  6. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    i'm wondering about the same thing. i have an appointment on thursday after a break of half a year. i lied to him the whole time, saying the cutting was a one time thing...
    i think i'm gonna talk to him about it honestly this time though... i dunno, to be honest, it scares me while at the same time i feel possesive about my scars as if no one but me is allowed to see them, they're mine.
     
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