I mean really start. I've been off and on-ing SH for a few months, the last time three weeks ago, and with everything happening lately...I'm finding myself trying to inflict pain, both physically, emotionally and socially. Physically through biting my thumb knuckle, scratching my arm until it starts to sting and draws blood. Emotionally and socially by destroying the friendships I have, including one that's lasted four years, and constantly thinking negative, self loathing thoughts. It's like I can't stop. I got asked today if I have been diagnosed with depression and the person was shocked when I said no, but that I had been medicated before for it. I'm so fucked up but no one can see it.