i want to stop..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by unwinged, May 9, 2010.

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  1. unwinged

    unwinged Well-Known Member

    I'm all done. I hate my life, and i hate the fact that i no longer have any control over it. my studdies are a mess. i went back to uni being older and ruined everything. i try too hard and fail, i don't try and fail even more. i don't know how to stop f****** about. i'm a girl. other women hate me. i make friends but they don't last. my life is unstable. i feel like i just want to say it all today. used to do lots of self harm ever since i was 12. bang my head type of thing. i'm thinking now i might did brain damage. maybe not. i'm really scared to be me. i want to die. i think it will be better for everyone. i no longer believe in love and in myself. i see no point. i'm depressed. i've beed on and off depression for many years. i hate myself. i don't self harm now just smoke. i messed everything. i haven't been trully in a good relationship since i was 15. everything is always wrong. i lost my feelings, i'm mostlydead inside. i'm scared i won't succeed if i commit suicide. i hate the area where i live. i didn't manage to live independently and came back home. being here makes me depressed and i end up doing nothing. i really have to commit suicide because there is no hope for me. if i think of achieving something i feel pain. i know maybe i could do it, but i'm afraid. i tried to commit twice in my life but it didn't work, they just hate you for trying again within such a short period. they didn't even give me anything the second time in emergency. just sit there, it will pass. help me please, i want to die. i don't want to die. i'm torn inside. i want my madness to stop. i feel horrible. don't feel sorry for me, it's all my fault really. i'm weak. i feel like hurting myself. how can i? i never tried razors. i'm scared to do that. i can do some physical damage. i need to get my feelings back. i really need to let this anger out. my parents are at home and i can't even scream. but i couldn't if they weren't here. i just feel like i can't let it out, i no longer have the energy. it stays inside and devours me slowly every day. i feel like running, i feel like screaming, i feel like i have to get up and do some incredible achievement right now to compensate for all the lost time. i could try but i know i wil fail. i will start working 247 on an aim, then at the last moment i will lose my nerve and break and nobody will be able to stop me. i can't go on like this. i can't make things straight in my life. i want to be normal again and i want this madness to stop.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 9, 2010
  2. carekitty

    carekitty Guest

    It sounds like you have a lot of racing thoughts right now. I know if I feel like that, it feels like your mind is all tumbled up, and nothing makes sense.

    First, are you sleeping? I mean enough to do you any good. Without sleep, we can't function, and our minds won't let us think straight. I know that sounds pretty obvious, but it's surprising how many times I have felt like I was spinning out of control only to realize that I was completely sleep deprived, or hadn't eaten.

    Honey, I don't think you want to die. I think you just need to take some time to get better. I don't know how old you are, but a lot of people have to move back home. Even people who have gotten married and have kids. I know it sucks, but sometimes it isn't avoidable.

    Maybe you need a break from school? It sounds like you are putting a lot of demands on yourself right now, and sometimes we really need to just step back and take care of our physical and emotional selves first.

    Are you seeing a therapist? That is so wrong that they didn't do more for you at the hospital. If you are feeling like hurting yourself, I hope you will see someone who can help you with that.

    Please give yourself a chance. Get any help that you need, and give yourself a break. You can get better, just be good to yourself. And pm me if I can help, okay?
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i understand totally i do the only way to get it to stop is to call your doctor and get help. Call the hospital and get help you need to get stable get on new meds to help you concentrate to helpthe negative thoughts of depression go away. Call okay you are so worth the fight. Just call your doctor and say things are not working out i need you to help me get me into therapy give me something new to try but help. If you feel suicidal call crisis sign yourself into hospital they will help your there Good for you to keep on trying and keep on doing it okay until you do get to that place of peace keep reaching out and trying
  4. unwinged

    unwinged Well-Known Member

    thank yor for replies. i tried to quit smoking recently and ended up spending time in bed. today i smoked too much and my head begun to race, i can't keep up with it. i think cigarettes always had a huge effect on me, could be a huge factor in my depression. but i can't stop. i will consider getting help for depression. i'm just so used to deal with situations like that on my own. i feel so ashamed going to see my doctor again. how many more years will my story be the same. i don't really want to try any meds, had some bad experience in the past. i don't really know what i need right now to be honest.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 9, 2010
  5. I-Died-In-My-Dream

    I-Died-In-My-Dream Well-Known Member

    My advice is to write it down on paper or type it. Start a new blog.

    Or mime your angry words.
  6. unwinged

    unwinged Well-Known Member

    i can't really do anything with myself. i feel like i'm in a waking coma. i'm torn inside but can't show anything. i want to explode but there is nothing. i think i might have a mental break down soon. maybe i already had one as it's been months since i've done any work. i'm numb and i'm losing my life. i can't make myself do anything, my mind doesn't listen to me anymore..i never felt this way. i think it was the stress, i'm in a state of a shock. i feel like hurting myself. i need to sleep, forever...
  7. unwinged

    unwinged Well-Known Member

    when you start criticising yourself, people no longer care...
  8. unwinged

    unwinged Well-Known Member

    i feel like i'm a helpless case, that's why i need to die.
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