I'm all done. I hate my life, and i hate the fact that i no longer have any control over it. my studdies are a mess. i went back to uni being older and ruined everything. i try too hard and fail, i don't try and fail even more. i don't know how to stop f****** about. i'm a girl. other women hate me. i make friends but they don't last. my life is unstable. i feel like i just want to say it all today. used to do lots of self harm ever since i was 12. bang my head type of thing. i'm thinking now i might did brain damage. maybe not. i'm really scared to be me. i want to die. i think it will be better for everyone. i no longer believe in love and in myself. i see no point. i'm depressed. i've beed on and off depression for many years. i hate myself. i don't self harm now just smoke. i messed everything. i haven't been trully in a good relationship since i was 15. everything is always wrong. i lost my feelings, i'm mostlydead inside. i'm scared i won't succeed if i commit suicide. i hate the area where i live. i didn't manage to live independently and came back home. being here makes me depressed and i end up doing nothing. i really have to commit suicide because there is no hope for me. if i think of achieving something i feel pain. i know maybe i could do it, but i'm afraid. i tried to commit twice in my life but it didn't work, they just hate you for trying again within such a short period. they didn't even give me anything the second time in emergency. just sit there, it will pass. help me please, i want to die. i don't want to die. i'm torn inside. i want my madness to stop. i feel horrible. don't feel sorry for me, it's all my fault really. i'm weak. i feel like hurting myself. how can i? i never tried razors. i'm scared to do that. i can do some physical damage. i need to get my feelings back. i really need to let this anger out. my parents are at home and i can't even scream. but i couldn't if they weren't here. i just feel like i can't let it out, i no longer have the energy. it stays inside and devours me slowly every day. i feel like running, i feel like screaming, i feel like i have to get up and do some incredible achievement right now to compensate for all the lost time. i could try but i know i wil fail. i will start working 247 on an aim, then at the last moment i will lose my nerve and break and nobody will be able to stop me. i can't go on like this. i can't make things straight in my life. i want to be normal again and i want this madness to stop.