I want to sincerely thank anyone who takes the time to read this and even more so if you share with me some words. Hello I’m a 23 male. I was in college, and if I have to be honest I was always a bad student. I recently got discharged when I was about to finish. So I feel like shit because I’m feeling I’m never going to get a decent job and it’s only my fault. I feel so much emotional and spiritual pain because for me accomplishing school was the major obligation towards myself and my parents and I failed at it. Perhaps it may sound as if I were overreacting but I just recently came across with the asian concept of ‘losing face’ and I just feel the same. When I tried to do my college chores I found them tiresome; I don’t enjoy college anymore and progressively I felt really anxious just with the thought of starting them. Frankly I’ve lost interest in many areas of my life: friends, girls, piano, reading, etc. I get really anxious because my parents know that something concerns me and also that I was doing badly in school, but instead of punishing or yelling at me or telling me something I deserve, they just act totally the opposite: warm and compassionate and that makes me uncomfortable. Antidepressants not an option; they are against my own core values (not religious or anything, just my values). So I have this VERY STRONG SUICIDAL DESIRES that are starting to overwhelm me. Fuck I feel like committing damn seppuku or at least yubitsume to make some compensation for my failures (again asian references ). Frankly I don’t see very much of a solution or maybe I’m just lacking perception. Sorry for my english but it is not my mother language. And again thank you for taking the time to read this.