I want to suicide because my failures have brought shame on me and my family

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wander Shadows, Jul 26, 2010.

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  1. Wander Shadows

    Wander Shadows New Member

    I want to sincerely thank anyone who takes the time to read this and even more so if you share with me some words.

    Hello I’m a 23 male. I was in college, and if I have to be honest I was always a bad student. I recently got discharged when I was about to finish. So I feel like shit because I’m feeling I’m never going to get a decent job and it’s only my fault.

    I feel so much emotional and spiritual pain because for me accomplishing school was the major obligation towards myself and my parents and I failed at it.

    Perhaps it may sound as if I were overreacting but I just recently came across with the asian concept of ‘losing face’ and I just feel the same.

    When I tried to do my college chores I found them tiresome; I don’t enjoy college anymore and progressively I felt really anxious just with the thought of starting them.

    Frankly I’ve lost interest in many areas of my life: friends, girls, piano, reading, etc.

    I get really anxious because my parents know that something concerns me and also that I was doing badly in school, but instead of punishing or yelling at me or telling me something I deserve, they just act totally the opposite: warm and compassionate and that makes me uncomfortable.

    Antidepressants not an option; they are against my own core values (not religious or anything, just my values).

    So I have this VERY STRONG SUICIDAL DESIRES that are starting to overwhelm me. Fuck I feel like committing damn seppuku or at least yubitsume to make some compensation for my failures (again asian references :) ). Frankly I don’t see very much of a solution or maybe I’m just lacking perception.

    Sorry for my english but it is not my mother language.

    And again thank you for taking the time to read this.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 26, 2010
  2. lionsheart

    lionsheart Member

    Hello there Wander

    Do you think that having a good job will fulfill you? That being a bad student makes you a bad or unhappy person?
    Sometimes people tell us that we need to do certain things to be happy or accepted in society.
    In my case, I feel happy when I'm helping others and when I'm surrounded by people who deserve my love. I don't need money nor a good job.

    My advice to you is, make your own definition of happiness and fight for your dreams.

    Take care
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 26, 2010
  3. ema

    ema Antiquities Friend

    It sounds to me like you fell into depression near the end of school. Even though you don't want meds, can you go therapy? I'm sure your parents would help with that.

    They may make you uncomfortable, but they care. A lot of people don't have that at all. Not a comment agaisnt you, just saying, I guess, you've got great opportunities.

    Don't give up on yourself. It's not worth it to do that. Hold on, maybe try to get some help. You're worth it!
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    antidepressants are against your core value but killing yourself is not
    antidepressants save peoples life make them well so they can do their schooling so they can keep their friends meds that promote good well being are against your core value but it is alright to give up .. think again okay if you don't want meds then get therapy now so you can get back on track to do well in life.
     
  5. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Sorry things are so rough. Your family sounds great obviously they are not ashamed of you. Please pray for help and guidence. I am praying for you. You sound like you have wonderful people around you. Dont be so hard on yourself. In time your motivation will return and things will get better. PLEASE STAY HERE AND WE WILL HELP AND UNDERSTAND

    Write me,

    Marty
     
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