if anyone read my post in the after effetcs forum they'd know the back story. I left university, I couldnt live around all the memories of a life I couldnt have again. All the pictures, all the little notes he'd write to me, and the trinkets and things. The fact that we'd slept in that bed. Id doesn;t matter where I was up there, because I came to university just to be with him, everywhere around there is a memory, the park with the ducks and squirells, how hed smile and hug me because he hand fed a squirell, how he'd tease me and ask for me to scartch his arm........The way he took his tea..the way he sat at the pc. The way he'd close one eye when he drunk something. His favourite things to eat, how we learned to cook japanese food together, how he loved to eat my cooking. His cooking was amazing. His hair, his eyes, his lips, the way he smells........everything was perfect. But I was so imperfect and horrible.......he diddnt want me anymore.. my bunny, I loved calling him bunny....and now he ignores me.......I'm so sad. one part of me says "you have nothing anymore, theres no reason to live, you found the happieness you could have and you'll never have that again, so just die so you dont have to face it anymore" and the other part says " if you die, then he will be sad, you dont want to make him sad even if you cant see him and maybe one day, one day he might want you back" but if I live for that hope, I'll end up killing myself anyway......... It hurts, and when my emotions run high like this, all I want to do is try to die again. I cant get through this alone.