I know I keep asking this. And I get it if you just roll your eyes and click the back button. Really I know I've burnt the bridge several times. But I wanna try one more time. Just one more time...I just wanna try to stop being a coward so if you can just indulge me one last time... I really wanna talk to my doctor about how I feel. I know it probably won't help. But I've been just really to the point where I can't get back up to the "normal" happiness. I'm so tired all the time so all I wanna do is sleep, which helps make me feel even more down. Right now I'm doing this all on my own. None of my family knows because I can't worry them- dad is sick, mom is sick, brothers have no jobs. My friends have their own problems so I don't wanna bother them. And work, yeah that is not gonna happen. I'm not going to be able to continue if I do this on my own. All day today I've been just sat around thinking about death. "Death, death, death. I wanna die. I need to die. The pain is too bad..." It's a loop. I'm wanting to do this without everyone at the office knowing, only two people need to know. Me and my doctor. But that brings me to my problem...I have no reason to go, no other complaints and when I hafta tell why I'm going I don't want to tell them that I'm really depressed and thinking of just offing myself most of the time. And I refuse to lie for a reason...Cuz that won't help him believe me. It just goes in circles in my head.