I want to try yet again...even if I fear it means failure...

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by SaraRose, Jan 1, 2013.

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  1. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    I know I keep asking this. And I get it if you just roll your eyes and click the back button. Really I know I've burnt the bridge several times. But I wanna try one more time. Just one more time...I just wanna try to stop being a coward so if you can just indulge me one last time...

    I really wanna talk to my doctor about how I feel. I know it probably won't help. But I've been just really to the point where I can't get back up to the "normal" happiness. I'm so tired all the time so all I wanna do is sleep, which helps make me feel even more down.

    Right now I'm doing this all on my own. None of my family knows because I can't worry them- dad is sick, mom is sick, brothers have no jobs. My friends have their own problems so I don't wanna bother them. And work, yeah that is not gonna happen. I'm not going to be able to continue if I do this on my own.

    All day today I've been just sat around thinking about death. "Death, death, death. I wanna die. I need to die. The pain is too bad..." It's a loop.

    I'm wanting to do this without everyone at the office knowing, only two people need to know. Me and my doctor. But that brings me to my problem...I have no reason to go, no other complaints and when I hafta tell why I'm going I don't want to tell them that I'm really depressed and thinking of just offing myself most of the time. And I refuse to lie for a reason...Cuz that won't help him believe me.

    It just goes in circles in my head.
  2. Finance

    Finance Well-Known Member

    What are you refusing to lie about?
  3. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    I don't know how to make the appointment. :/ I don't wanna lie about why I needa get to the doctor, and just telling on the phone 'I feel depressed so I need to see a doctor.' It's not easy for me to just come out and admit it...
  4. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    It seems that after all of this time, since your lies have not gotten you anything but heartache, perhaps, then, it might be in your better interest to simply tell them the truth when you are making your appointment. After all, they are trained health professionals and their job is to work with you to make you feel better, and they have heard it all before, so what reason would anyone have to judge you or think anything of you?
  5. Finance

    Finance Well-Known Member

    It's so easy, you'll wonder why you put it off so long. The doctors are used to it. It's their job.

    Hope it works out.
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