I want to ..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AJE, Mar 24, 2016.

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  1. AJE

    AJE Well-Known Member

    Well ......
    I've just put everything in place to do the ultimate deed.
    I'm full of regret & guilt & it's not getting better despite meds & counselling.
    There's no way I can carry on for the next 30 odd years or so I have left feeling like this.
    As my counsellor said I will probably always love & pine for her & it kills me.
    Everything I should be grateful for means nothing anymore.
    I don't want a life without her.
    Time isnt healing me.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I just want to say I have read your post and I am really sorry you are going through this, I am having a very tough day myself but it will get better, use those 30 odd years to better yourself and how long has it been since the break up? You will get through this difficult patch in your life and we are here to help you too. (hugs)
     
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Please do not give up. I know it all seems impossible right now; but it isn't.
    You've just started your meds and counseling if I remember correctly? As far as I know they can take a while to take full effect and maybe you need other meds; not all meds are perfect for everyone.
    Please do not hurt yourself. It can, and it will get better. Maybe you will always miss her, but perhaps in time it will feel different? Don't cheat yourself of the chance to get to that point.

    Please let yourself be helped. You deserve as much
     
  4. AJE

    AJE Well-Known Member


    Thanks Petal
    I just get waves of overwhelming heartache & I see her everywhere I go in other people if you know what I mean.
    As I write this I can feel the tears in my eyes welling up, I miss her so much.
    It's been nearly 3 months & im not feeling much better than when it first happened.
    I'm a 52 year old man & I feel stupid feeling like this but I just can't help it.
    The biggest battle I have right now is helping myself, I have no get up & go to help myself out of this.
    Things that should spur me on like my kids just don't seem to inspire me anymore.
    I feel hopeless & useless.
    Why I can't just seem to move forward even just a bit I don't know why.
     
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  5. AJE

    AJE Well-Known Member




    Thanks Phantomlady
    Yes it's been a month of meds & 2 weeks of counselling, it helps to talk to someone who knows nothing about me.
    I feel like my best ever chance of happiness is probably gone forever & I hate myself for letting it happen.
    Yes, I will forever miss her.
    Living day to day right now.
    Thanks for the input.
     
  6. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hey AJE, I'm sorry you feel so bad, I've felt this way many times in life. My first wife died of cancer and I never thought I'd get over it, that was my first MAJOR depression event, my second wife betrayed me and that was devastating too. I just want you to know, that I do understand how you feel. But please, I know you don't want to hear this, just give it more time, it will pass, you will get over it, you will meet someone else, there is still hope my friend.
    Take care
    Brian
     
  7. AJE

    AJE Well-Known Member


    Thanks Brian
    I know you're right just seems very hard right now.
    Just can't her out of my head at the moment, I know I have to be stronger & hopefully one day I will but right now I'm coping day to day.
    Thanks for your support
    Andy
     
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  8. Red Nightmare

    Red Nightmare Active Member

    I'm sorry, my friend. Depression is hell. I hope with time you'll feel better.
     
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  9. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    You'll get through it Andy, keep posting here and we'll support you. I know you hurt now, but you WILL get through this and there's probably someone out there right now that you're going to meet and make you forget all about this. Take care my friend, everything's gonna be alright :)
    Brian
     
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  10. AJE

    AJE Well-Known Member

    Thanks Brian
    I've seen your support for other people on here before & you strike me as a real decent person.
    I wish you luck in your quest for happiness too.
     
    Brian777 likes this.
  11. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Thank you for that wish Andy, I sure could use it my friend. This has been the hardest struggle I've been through, trying to stay alive. Take care :)
     
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