Well ...... I've just put everything in place to do the ultimate deed. I'm full of regret & guilt & it's not getting better despite meds & counselling. There's no way I can carry on for the next 30 odd years or so I have left feeling like this. As my counsellor said I will probably always love & pine for her & it kills me. Everything I should be grateful for means nothing anymore. I don't want a life without her. Time isnt healing me.