I want to

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Failure_By_Design, Jul 5, 2010.

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  1. Failure_By_Design

    Failure_By_Design Account Closed

    Want to punish myself, for being useless for having no friends. There's gotta be a reason I don't have people, and it has to be because I'm a bad person. Nothing else makes sense. So to punish myself for being bad, I want to cut, I want to od, I want to injure myself. I want to hurt I want to feel pain, I want to know I'm paying for being a bad person. I don't have people around me, I never will because I am a horrible person, otherwise I'd have a friend or two, I'd have people who would want to hang out wit me. I'd be invited places.

    But I'm not, and now it's time to be punished. Once I'm alone, it's time to be punished. I'm gunn a cut myself, I'm gunn a drink too much, I'm gunn a not eat, I'm gunn a burn maybe, I'm gunn a bite. I'm gunn a punish myself I'm gunn a make myself awRe of how much I have done wrong.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are perhaps scaring the people around you with being so hard on yourself.
    your cutting your harsh ways on you people don't understand if you got help to learn better coping skills better sociallizing skills then you would be able to go out and join groups and make new friends like sport groups or art classes music classes etc i hope in time with help you will learn better skills to hlp you heal
  3. Failure_By_Design

    Failure_By_Design Account Closed

    I've tried, I hadn't done anything to harm myself in almost a year, I was doing good. I cut for the first time about a week ago. I hadn't necessarily been happy, but I had been better, and I've always hid the self harm. I joined a team, hung out with them, asked them to come over, they said yes, then that was it never saw them. Asked to hang out with them, they said yes they said they'd call me with what the final location was gunn a be/when and everything, I never heard from them. I asked them what was going on, never responded.

    If Ive gone so long without hurting myself, and i've only gotten ignored more, why should I think that trying to stop again, or not restarting or joining more groups, or anything would ever help? I know I'm being obnoxious right now, but it just feels like there's no positive way to deal anymore.
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Please Krissi, don't harm yourself hun, love yourself instead. You're being way too hard on yourself and your trying to live up to unrealistic expectations. You're only human hun and you're bound to make mistakes at some point. Please resist the urges to cut, burn and od. You don't deserve to be punished. Why do you feel that you need to be punished? What have you done wrong? :hug:
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