I wanted to die for the past two days

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ghostangelcake7, Aug 25, 2016.

  1. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    Cried again today...by myself..no solace just empty 'what's wrong?'... I really dont know why I am being subjected to another form of purgatory. It might be a more 'peaceful level' but it still feels like purgatory. I am definitely not well here. I cry so much, i feel bad more than good. I feel like I get put down than get uplifted. I spend almost all my time alone. I am shutting my contacts down on my phone because I really am starting to not care anymore. I don't want to relapse after a good therapy session. I just don't know why I should have to merely 'cope' with my life anymore. I just cope, I don't enjoy it, barely ever, ever. If anyone is selfish, it's anyone who wants me to continue this sorry plight I call my life. I don't want it anymore. I am putting up with my life for what it's worth. I am sorry to be negative here, I promise I am not going to take any action and never condone it for anyone, in any case. Life is precious and try to get the most enjoyment out of it you possibly can is what I say. If you are healthy or at least can function enough to get something of enjoyment, you are OK.

    I just don't understand life..why I'm here..why I'm me..not someone else. Why in this sad life? Not some rich or famous life instead? or just someone better off? someone with an incredibly supportive boyfriend or husband? someone who owns a lap cat they can affectionately cuddle with whenever they arrive home? someone who has friends to have get togethers and 'make moments' with. Thanks mom and dad..you weren't qualified in the first place to have kids. This is the result...ME.

    I'm just worried. My life quality is at such a low. It's blinking red like a video game when you're about to lose.
  2. moxman

    moxman I am proud to call Rosie, my best friend =) Forum Pro

    Hello Ghostie

    You honestly did not think you would post that, and not get a response out of me did you? I mean c'mon we are buds.

    You mentioned tonight you are in school. What kind of degree are you pursuing? How long before you achieve it?

    I already see the problem, you are coping with life; when you should be kicking it in the *****. I really feel like you to find something you could do, that you enjoy to help take your mind off of everything. You need a distraction that will help focus your mind off the negatives and put your attention on that. What interest you? and what type of hobby do you think would interest you? When you start doing that, you will have less time for negative thoughts.

    I am in the same boat you're in when it comes to our parents, wtf were they thinking?!?!?! We didn't get a choice of where we were born at and by who, it just kinda happened. You've never discussed your childhood but I get the impression that it was not full of rainbows and lollipops. Mine was filled with throwing beer bottles and seeing them fight each other; lovely experience for a young boy to witness.

    I care for you and I care about you

    Take Care of Yourself and your Fish!!!!

    PM/IM me anytime.