I wanted to drive into a wall again...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by voices_inmy_head, Apr 13, 2008.

  1. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    After my dad upset me again but cancelling our plans without telling me I was driving home and so very badly wanted to drive into the wall above the stream, I had to grip the steering wheel going over the bridge otherwise I could of very well of done it. Or at least I think I would of, I get so very angry and then so very upset when this happens, he does it nearly everytime I go to see him, I even rang him Friday to say you will be home at 5:50 wont you?
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    It is so painful to be dissappointed in that way...but you did nothing wrong and are not the one who should be punished...maybe if you regarded him as someone who can treat you in this way, you will be less dissappointed in the future...please stay safe and remember there are mny ppl who can be trusted and who can value you and your feelings...big hugs, J
     
  3. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    actually my two thoughts were im so sick of feeling like this I want to die and then if I killed myself he would know its his fault. I don't like the second thought, its the main reason I havn't killed myself yet as I know what it would do to thoose I left behind.
     
  4. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Maybe you need to talk to your dad to let him know how much he is upsetting you. Sometimes we can take some things, and some people, for granted. Perhaps he doesn't think about how much he is letting you down. If you confront him about it, it'll be a reality check for him. :hug:
     
  5. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    oh trust me I have tried, I must of done and tried everything, Im his only child that still has a relationship with him really, the others gave up trying years ago, but I don't want to stop trying. I want to spend time with my dad but it hurts so much when he does this to me.
     
  6. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I understand you don't want to stop trying, I was in a similar situation many years ago, but for your own health you may have to stop trying. At least for right now. It's not your fault if your dad is being like this. But YOU should not have to "pay for it". After banging my head against a wall til it aches, I have to consider that maybe the wall doesn't feel the same pain. Please give yourself a break. Don't keep subjecting yourself to the kind of pain that makes you want to drive into deep waters. You are worth more than that - YOU ARE worth more than that!! Protect yourself dear. Please don't let anyone - ANYONE - "make" you feel this bad. I care. Even if I don't know you, I care.:hug::hug: