i was 13

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by exnurse, Dec 14, 2011.

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  1. exnurse

    exnurse Active Member

    i was 13 when i was raped by someone i hardly knew, 13 the magic number the start of a lifetime full of problems, depression, od, self harm, drugs, alcohol smoking, you name it, i seem to have an addictive personality, im probably now addicted to prescription drugs. i had a happy childhood, ruined by this event, the event that seems to have started the beginning of my downfall. a life of going from relationship to relationship, even doing that with my one true love, i left him for another too. the father of my children!!!! i thought i was doing it for a better life for me and the boys, but really i was just following the pattern of my whole life, thinking the grasss was greener somewhere else - it wasnt. iv been in the most awful abusive relationship, and have thought that this was my punishment for leaving my mick. i still live with my abuser but he stopped abusing me after a copper gave him a written warning which now shows on record, the copper had said that if he touches me one more time they would press charges whether i liked it or not, so now he doesnt touch me. he hasnt done since 2005 and in fact since my od iv never seen him so caring. however i have constant thoughts of a grisly past that cannot be changed. the only light in my life my family, my boys!!! i have my dad also and his wife, my mum died when i was 21 she never got to see my second son, another regret, i miss her still, i was very angry after her death and still am as she was so young 42, for years i thought that i was going to die at 42, i was disappointed when i didt, im still here. here with all the shame of a life that should have been so much happier than it has been - its too late for what ifs though!!!
     
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    hello exnurse.. the past and the ptsd and flashbacks and such make living really hard sometimes.. the booze, the cigs, the pills adn such is way we find to avoid the past.. i done that for last 50 andsome years.. question to you now is have you done therapy for all of this??? that has saved mine and son johnny;s life as it was too much constantly.. this post has been unanswered for awhile now. hope you are still around.. tc, Jim
     
  3. davytelford

    davytelford Member

    hello i was reading your post it happened to me as well i was 15 at the time and i know what it feels like. every days a struggle for me ive lived with my secret for many years you have to be strong if not for yourself for your loved ones and show that person that you are stronger than he is i hope it helps sorry if im too late
     
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